362 days. 2 11 2011.

362 days. in the year of 11's, it was february 11 that stood out.


it's not really sinking in quite yet.

i know. it will.

when the beer of this friday night out wears off, maybe.

or maybe when i start packing.

maybe when i actually spend my first night back in the house.

maybe when i think i can be ever's friend.

maybe when i don't have a two beer per day minimum.


it could be any of these things, or something random. like tonight. hearing a descendents song in a bar. and going, 'holy fuck. i'm not his wife anymore.'


today, ever granted my divorce.

today, i saw him for the last time in my lawyer's office.

today made me realize that every penny i spent on my lawyer was worth it.

because today? today ever signed.

he took the money after he signed the divorce decree and the property settlement. i gave him $1 for the deed he signed over to me.


today i became single.

tomorrow, i become an online dater.


tonight, standing outside a bar in the yuppiest, douchiest part of center city, i was ready to just walk up to any random passerby and kiss him good and hard on the lips.

because as long as i have been separated, there was some guilt associated with thinking about being with someone else.

and tonight? none.

tonight i wanted to fuck some random dude. just because i could.


i didn't.

and i know it's probably better that way.

but tonight i could have. not for an offer or anything like that. but i could have because i wouldn't have to justify not explaining at some point that, technically, i'm married.


i'm so glad that it is over. and i wonder how long it will take to sink in. and when.