rtw 34. 11/20/10

say it with a kiss. write about kissing.

like i have said time and again with this book. i always flip it open to the exercise that is most fitting.

so here it is.

sometimes, i want it so badly, i can really almost feel it.

the way i want it to be.

not sloppy. very sweet. very slow. very playful. but meant.


i used to have a list of people i'd kissed.

i'm sure i could uncover it in an old sketch book somewhere, but am not going to look.

and this summer, i couldn't believe that coffee thought we'd kissed when we hadn't.

but then i realized that there are people i can't remember if i'd kissed either.

thinking about not being kissed is one of the hardest things i face on a daily basis.

but what is it about it? there's all the cheesy shit about souls connecting. whatever.

for me, when i start, i don't want to stop. there's an aspect of lips that i really love. i like full lips. when i talk to a boy that i like, i watch him talk and imagine what it would be like to kiss him. would he be a good kisser? would it make me like him more? that answer is yes.

i am a kissing addict. i'm always thinking about the next time.

someone leaning over me and kissing me. pinning someone down and kissing them.

i am also a reverter. just today, i was thinking about kissing intern.

it would have been nice.

and also? impossible.

i want to want someone. push them into my door, and just go for it. push them down onto my couch or my bed and just kiss for hours.

it wouldn't be good if i didn't have chapped lips the next day. like a kissing hangover.

i don't know who it will be. or how it will happen. but my heart races when i think that thought.

i think i'm supposed to get specific here, but i don't know that i can. it's referred to as swapping spit, i guess. but i don't like that kind of kissing. wet sloppy kisses are not for me.

there's something about kissing with your eyes closed. i guess it eliminate a sense, visual, that forces you to let your imagination free. unleashed. and wandering hands. replacing touch with vision.

that split second before you get kissed, when you close your eyes and feel yourself slipping into something different. excited. ready. and only waiting for a split second before being in it.

i don't know if i'm a good kisser. i was afraid to kiss for the first time after being deprived of it for so long.

but do you ever forget? is it really like riding a bike? you might not do it for years. but it's instinctive.

latching onto a lower lip. knowing that the person is there and kissing you for that window of time.

i'm obsessed, as i am with many other things, with kissing.

and if i wasn't so choosy, i probably could have been kissed long ago.

but i guess i don't take it lightly. even though i should. i can't help feeling a connection. i mean, isn't that why we do it?

an exploration of someone else, in a way.

if it isn't good, case closed. because it doesn't always last long. and then all you're left with is the memory of what it was like.

to kiss and be kissed.

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