rtw 25.

12/2/09 about god.

dear god,

what the hell? i mean, really...cancer? catastrophes? and also...where IS heaven? because the universe is a really crazy place!

if you created that, by the way, NICE ONE! all the planets and 'outer space', the galaxy. really incredible. i mean, created in a very different way than creation, by the way. if you made the big bang, way to go.

where'd all that stuff come from though? galactic clay, you know?

and also, is this a sick joke? pitting all these people against each other. killing each other - and in your name? for fuck's sake...

and maybe i shouldn't be cursing your ass out at 30000 feet. but i'm sure enough people are praying for safety that i'll be included.

on that note, i do believe that prayer works. only, in the way that people will themselves to be better. or have blind faith in something. because given enough time, things happen. things that have been prayed over. and i mean, odds are what, 50/50 that something will or won't happen? so there you go.

but the thing that bothers me most is that humans made up all this religion shit. excluding people who disagree from 'their' heaven. i mean, who was i to damn people to hell because their version of you was different from mine at the time? what an asshole. me, not you. :)

i'd like to feel the feeling again. being SO convinced of what i believed in. moved to tears over and over again. i mean, what IS that? mass ____. not mass hysteria. but the psychology of a mass of people. and how adult brains don't get that that's all it is. well, i don't understand.

i got pretty angry over it. really. a lot of anger for all the time i spent hating people, who i was told were so bad at the time. 'baby killers', you know?

who the fuck was i to pass judgment? i mean, given different circumstances at different times in my life, when i ended up being lucky, i'd have been there. and how can you teach a 13 year old kid (maybe i was younger?) that adult decisions are wrong? where's the logic in THAT? like a 13 year old child knows enough to take a stand against a 31 year old adult's decision. even 21. whatever...

teaching children to hate and judge is just WRONG. and to do it in the name of god? disgusting.

whether you're real or not? eh. not the topic. it's more about how people use you as a tool to do harm to themselves, but mostly to others.

i don't know anymore...i think there's another life. other lives, even. reincarnation-like, for souls. i believe in ghosts. i don't know about heaven...too much to be asked to believe in for me right now.

but i'll try to stop hating zealots and republicans. for now. just in case you're real... i shouldn't 'hate' anyone.

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