rtw 12 . 10/31/10

seeing myself through someone else's eyes.

most of the time she's not alone. but when she is, she looks like she's worried about something. she fidgets, and smokes a lot, and drinks fast. like she hasn't had a drop to drink in days.

when she's not alone, she laughs a lot. and smiles a lot.

but underneath, she just looks sad.

she never leaves the house without makeup on. not a lot. but she hides her skin.

she wears brightly colored shoes, more often than not. she works hard, but always has fun.

i've seen her break out into dance more than once. she seems like she has a lot of energy.

she's always walking quickly from place to place. she never moves slow, unless she is drinking.

sometimes, when she's alone, she's scribbling furiously in a spiral bound notebook with a sticker on the cover. she writes small and neat and in alternating colors, to differentiate the entries.

when she's on her stoop alone, she is usually with a beer, and always smoking. sometimes with a book, and sometimes with a laptop, typing furiously.

she is always writing something down.

what is she trying to remember? what is she working on?

sometimes she has a far-off gaze. like she's daydreaming, or wishing she could be somewhere else.

her furrowed brow makes me think that she's worrying all the time. even when she smiles, it is there.

she looks around a lot, too. like she's looking for someone. watching doors, scanning faces. and it makes me wonder who she is looking for.

she looks at her phone a lot, too. is she late for something? waiting for something? waiting for a call? not much time is passing, yet she always looks surprised to see the time, and her phone never rings.

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