a small lie. almost picked bear.
because i can almost bear no more.
what will happen next? hard to say or think, let alone to give in to the temptation.
i don’t really know what to expect. i think that maybe kit will have an idea.
and i can’t wait to see nina. this whole trip could just unlock me and leave me swelling over. welling up with tears.
a lie. i lie. the tape lies on my table, some words that are old. of mine. recycle.
will anyone know that it is actually me, miss tea, writing that thing?
i can’t believe that someone stumbled upon it. found me. i mean, what are the chances? changes. googled and up i came.
oh that hum. i don’t know what to do about him. i want to give him the money honey. i want him to stay not go.
go. go. run. faster than lightning. like the wind.
this game is kinda stupid. i am already running. out of things to say, i mean.
it’s thanksgiving and i’m not even having any turkey.
what would she say if she knew that i loved to eat meat? that rat lady kinda freaked me out a little and all that talking about rats as pets.
what if she knew about the fucking mouse cemetary that is my back deck? there must be at least a solid 36 mice out there by now, one even landed on the tomato plant which made me sad and angry all at the same time.
i mean, no more tomatoes though the plant is still bearing fruit.
it is fall, nearing winter now. warm unseasonably for thanksgiving, but not the feeling, bone chilled wet soaked in. what next?
i wonder about typos and wishing i was writing pen to paper but then how could i share it? retyping would suck and i’m just too lazy.
what will i write about?
i started something in my head about kicking leaves. rustling underfoot because of my dissatisfaction with life. with my life. with my lack of happiness. kicking leaves intentionally for the sake of looking as dissatisfied as i feel.
but then where to go after that, really? i don’t know.
keep wandering off the page. keep wandering in the night through the dark. hit the next page.
sounds good to me.
an exercise in double spaced page filling. i hope i can come back to it. to you. to my happy little circle. hamster wheel. wheel well. well i am finally done. DONE.