the one that got away is getting away. september 9th.

leave it to a last minute facebook update.

i should have gone to sleep.

really? it doesn't matter.

this just makes it all easier.

coffee and his lady are moving. in one month.

and though i think it's got to be some kind of a joke, someone commented that they can't believe they're getting married.


it makes moving home slightly different.

because i did believe, and have been actively convincing myself since june, that this boy is not for me anymore. and that he doesn't factor into my thoughts about going back.

it makes moving home about what it's supposed to be about.

i don't know what to say about it. or write about it. there's nothing to say. except that i called it wrong from the outside. i don't know them together or apart. i haven't known him in years. but on the surface, it seemed really lame.

wrong again.

this ought to make dark sky even more introspective. reflective.

a great place to really say goodbye. to abandoning what little shred of hope was left somewhere inside of me, buried.

i might never see him again.

that will help.

no twinkles. no smile. no crooked nose.

it's a strange thing to read. and so close to sleep.

time changes things so quickly. i'll have plenty of time to get to the bottom of how this will make me feel further down the road.

but three posts in a night is a little excessive.

and coffee doesn't get any more of my attention tonight.

for those of you who know me... my astrological chart

using birth date, time, and place, this is what i got:

Rising Sign is in 24 Degrees Taurus
Calm and deliberate, you hate to move quickly or act hastily. Very practical, every effort must count or you can't be bothered. Patient, persistent and steady, but very stubborn -- you can't be pushed or pressured into anything. You seem outwardly self-assured because you tend to repress your inner tension and turmoil. You exude an earthy warmth, friendliness and charm. You demand comfortable surroundings and appreciate the good life. Be careful of a tendency to be overly self-indulgent. At times, you are lazy and difficult to motivate. Overcoming inertia is a problem for you and, because you are not by nature a self-starter, it is often necessary for you to receive stimuli from others in order to get moving.

(what i lack in patience, i make up for in stubbornness)

Sun is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius.
Very fun-loving, spirited and energetic, you have a huge reservoir of physical energy within you that needs to be released. As such, exercise or sports are very important to you. Quite gregarious, you enjoy being with other people, but you tend to avoid emotionally restrictive or intimate relationships. Constantly curious about the broader issues of life, you may at times be quite careless and sloppy about details -- you tend to leap to conclusions before all the facts are in. An avid reader, you are totally enthusiastic about any given subject should it interest you. You are known for being idealistic, generous, sociable, cheerful and very positive!

(exercise and sports? not so much. but i love to watch baseball, and i love to ride my bike to work. i love relationships. always have. and being overly emotional.)

Moon is in 20 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings are very intense, never superficial. You tend to be either very angry or very sad or completely and totally happy. Your moods are deep, extreme and not always completely understood by yourself or by those with whom you have to deal. Emotionally, you tend to prefer to live at the cutting edge of life, pushing your reactions to the ultimate extremes, even if the results are dangerous or upsetting. You are easily jealous and very suspicious -- you require a great deal of emotional reassurance. A good detective, you are very curious about deep and mysterious things, especially human nature and motivations. Be careful not to be ruthless, tactless or too overly frank or you will meet with much resistance from others.

(yes yes yes. manic. paranoid. detective.)

Mercury is in 06 Degrees Capricorn.
You are a careful thinker, very cautious and conservative. You are quite skillful at organizing, directing and planning activities. Practical and useful things interest you -- you are not attracted to abstract thoughts or ideas. With your tendency to be highly focused and very goal-oriented, you have a good head for business. But beware of a tendency to be narrow-minded and dogmatic. Your sense of humor tends toward being earthy and slapstick crude.

(not conservative. i am an abstract. i am not at all highly focused. this is a near miss. except for the bit about potty humor. because farts and shitting rule.)

Venus is in 06 Degrees Sagittarius.
You are very aware of the need to maintain a high sense of morality in a relationship. Your loyalty and interest will remain constant in any relationship (either friendly, personal or business) that is based on fairness, honesty and justice. But you will become greatly hurt and disappointed if the other person takes any but the high road with you. Also, you cannot tolerate anyone being overly emotionally possessive of you. You are known for your friendly, outspoken manner.

(spot on.)

Mars is in 11 Degrees Leo.
You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed, you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect. But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering. Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront. You are very stubborn about your right to live your life according to your own principles.

(again. spot on.)

Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.

(hence my current life situation. yes.)

Saturn is in 00 Degrees Virgo.
Your life must be orderly and practical and full of known and familiar routines in order for you to feel comfortable with yourself. Be careful, however, not to let "order" become the be-all and end-all of your life, or you may become cold, crass and unfeeling. Doing useful, practical things boosts your self- esteem. Abstract concepts and reasoning seem frivolous and a waste of time to you. You are very critical of yourself (and others), indeed at times quite self-deprecating. Try to relax a bit and allow yourself the freedom to fail once in a while. However, you probably won't fail very often because you are such a perfectionist.

(i never thought of myself as a person who likes routines, but now i do. again with the bullshit about abstractedness.)

Uranus is in 14 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

(obsessive is an understatement. compulsive is almost. this blog is an example of a different way to deal with problems.)

Neptune is in 15 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

(meh. i like learning about this stuff, but really don't care/pay attention. and i'm too lazy to do anything important.)

Pluto is in 16 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

(ha. maybe the radical changes are the climbing divorce rate. it wasn't entered into lightly. and i was a good wife. but maybe the other changes are the lack of desire i have at this point to ever think about being married ever again.)

N. Node is in 13 Degrees Libra.
You find it very difficult to be comfortable being alone -- you would much prefer to be in an environment where many people are working together toward common goals. Your charming and sincere approach to others assures your popularity -- you have the gift of being able to ease tensions just by your mere presence. You're the perfect "team player" willing to sacrifice your own importance so that the group goal can be accomplished. Be careful, however, not to become overly dependent on your interactions with others -- you have personal private needs that should not be neglected.

(also spot on.)

it's more right than wrong. i like this.

you can find it here and get yours, if you care:

it's here. september 9th.

oh, man...

the car is pretty much packed. sleeping bags, red light lanterns and flashlights, a bunch of random snacks, a pillow, my sneakers.

what is in a pile at my front door is a backpack full of clothes for all temperatures, my camera, more food, cigarettes, star charts, a map of the sky.

in preparation for being off the grid, i'm writing this now.

i don't feel like i have all that much to say, or write, rather. but maybe just a few quick words while i have a smoke before heading to bed ridiculously early.

actually, i do have something to say.

i saw a show last night.

i saw balmorhea.

they are delightful.

if you can ever see them live, do it. their music is beautiful recorded, but is alive when they're putting on a show.

i had a few looping thoughts last night while i was watching them. i don't know their names or their songs or anything.

but singer dude (who really doesn't sing too much) who plays piano and writes most of the music. he is so full of the music. watching him perform was like seeing someone using an instrument to direct energy.

he stood back from the microphone and projected so well. when he played guitar, it was moody, like he was trying to get a message across. a very sad, dark message at times. and a very happy message at others.

the frontman dude who sings sometimes and plays banjo, along with every other instrument, was adorable. he was my favorite to watch. he had this steve carrell quality to him that i couldn't pinpoint, but was left with.

i love when bands switch instruments, i always have. so there are four people who don't change: violin, cello, upright bass, drummer.

two main dudes rotated between acoustic and electric guitar, electric bass, banjo, keys, and frontman played drums alongside the drummer on two songs.

so much silent movement, flowing around the stage. their set was incredibly quiet and just beautiful.

in any case, thanks to kit for introducing me to them during writing day. and thanks for getting an extra ticket a long time ago so i could go.

and sorry about that surprise. i'm glad it didn't ruin our night.

i got home at around 1215, and had one beer too many to feel good when i woke up this morning. i felt horrible, i felt sleep deprived, and a little hungover.

despite the fact that i don't get drunk at any point, drinking a beer every couple hours for six or so hours tends to take a toll on me.

i'm only having one beer tonight, instead of the typical two.

and i'm going to get a full night's sleep because i have a big weekend of sleeplessness ahead of me.

and back to it...

dark sky.

i hope i can sleep because tomorrow is going to be rough.

there are clouds popping up in the weather now, mostly during the day. but i imagine it's impossible to have cloud cover during the day, and none at night. hopefully it's not like the second night, last time, when everyone went to bed at 2 am because it was too cloudy, and everyone was exhausted anyway.

no sense in even thinking about it. it will be what it will be.

i made no time for creating a mix of music, so i suppose we'll just shuffle and drive, which worked amazingly well last time.

so after a half day at work tomorrow, i leave for the mountains. hopefully there's less traffic this time. and it takes the five and a half hours it's supposed to, instead of the seven and a half it took last time we drove up.

camping and non-showering and bug bites and sweaters. lightning bugs and sleeping bags and smuggled beer and stargazing-induced vertigo.


deep breath. september 7th.


that's right. three days of work. then off to dark sky star party part two.

and i just checked the weather.

and apparently there's a cold front coming through.

it's going to be 59 on friday, 69 on saturday, and 67 and raining on sunday.

which is how it was the first time - packing up the tent and driving home in stormy weather.

the lows at night? 45 on friday, 51 on saturday.

i'm so fucking EXCITED.

c'mon clear skies.

i guess that is what i'm gearing up for now.

the inspector didn't come today. the sink part is coming in this week, possibly tomorrow.

i don't know how i'm going to attach the thing, but i'll worry about that once it shows up.

i'm on my way to being prepared for the inspection, whenever that horse decides to pop back in.

i got a lot done today, and am doing my best for the rest.

it's all i can do. that, and try not to worry like i did this weekend.

so one thing i didn't get to write about last night, in an effort not to think about it before trying to sleep was the interesting fact that i got the marital separation agreement in my email yesterday when chalk was still here.

(update: he did book a ticket and made it home on time)

so i looked through it last night. all 15 pages. and it's mostly legal mumbo jumbo, but typical shit.

and the only thing i was really interested in was how the business, the car, and mostly the house was handled.

here i go again.

it basically says he leaves the car out of it. and i leave the business out of it.

great. whatever.

but the house is set to go on the market on april fools day, 2012.

there's no detail about what happens or when the price drops. only that an appraiser will be agreed upon.

i do not want to wait that long, but he said that two years from the separation is a good rule of thumb, and it details him being able to buy my interest in the house, that he's responsible for all of it, and that he has until then to buy it. and that the debt is split 50/50 from the credit card, and that my parents get paid back.

i need to map out the 'what happens after it's listed' part of things.

and think about it.

i'm leery of moving home before it's settled, but i don't think i want to be here for two years. so it's lose lose for me.

if he doesn't sign the initial agreement, then i get ballsy and it will go to court. which i really don't want. and saying as he doesn't have a lawyer for the cheap part, i doubt he'll want it to go to court.


i don't want to think about it. really. honestly.

let's get this show on the road already.

and speaking of shows on the road...

star party!

the drive up and back will be tolerable with kit's company and our new road trip mixes. i'm tired still from the short drive of half the distance to the mountains this weekend, but time with kit will move more quickly than time with chalk did. better conversation and all...

in re-reading, i guess that i left out quite a bit. and part of what i missed will be caught as time goes on. remembering little things.

to say a little more about his incessant loud talking at bars:

i guess the beer conversation was the one that got to me. maybe it was because i was scoping out cute boys. and that he doesn't care where we are when he canoodles with me. but the biggest thing was that we were sitting at a bar that had open door-sized windows facing the street. and there were tables on the sidewalk outside the window.

he was talking loudly because we were in a loud bar. but projecting our voices out. and i knew that the people at the two tables outside were getting blasted with his high volume pontification.

and using that word reminds me of the other part i took issue with. he uses big words all the time. i know a lot of smart people who do. but when we're in bed talking, there's really no need for that. and his choices of conversation topics also made me feel like there was no space for me to talk at all. and that, if i'd cut him off, i'd have nothing to say anyway that he would find remotely interesting, or that he wouldn't spend a chunk of a while adding to.

i don't know. i knew before this trip that i wouldn't me any more smitten with him and that i wouldn't be any more inclined to think of him as someone i'd date when i went home.

but i guess i wonder who knows on the florida end of the line that he has come to see me twice. and i became totally disenchanted with him on sunday afternoon.

his talking was a turn off by the end of his trip. and honestly, i was a little relieved for a lack of last minute pre-airport sex, because his stress plus work stress made me not want any more.

i don't care that you have a knack with people's cats and dogs. i don't care that you are smarter than your professors and that it's your excuse for not going to school in the first place, and refusal to go back at this stage in your life.

and not working? same rings true.

it's a lot of heat coming from a place that was paved with good intentions and desire to have sex with someone who isn't a stranger.

but it was nice for him to say that i'm good in bed. because i feel like he knows. and he said, 'part of it is me. but most of it is you. and all of it is us.'

what i kept thinking of, before he got here, and for those first couple days, was that it's chemistry.

it's chemistry in the way that people talk about it, that i haven't experienced in a long time. not since the days of dub and the sun.

i'm okay with hanging up my fuck buddy for now. and dealing with redlining on my own, or giving myself permission to seek it out, up here, with someone local. or, like i said, getting to the point i got to again, where it's been a while, and we meet somewhere that is neither here nor there, and for only two nights. where i have a full day to recover, alone.

analytics taught me yesterday that i have a couple new readers.

again, with the details to you who do not know me.

i doubt you'd ever go back in time to know how i ended up at this point.

leaving my husband in my early thirties taught me that i didn't hate sex. i wasn't right when i said i didn't need it. i just didn't want it with him, and it took six months of being utterly alone before i realized that i actually do want it. all the time. and that it could be better with anyone but him.

and as the divorce proceedings are carried out, i suppose i'll eventually be free from him.

yesterday was the six month mark of the day i moved out. and in one week from today, it will be seven months since we agreed to split.

it sounds like not a long time now, writing it. but it feels like forever.

and i need it to be done.

aside from that, work will hopefully go okay the next three days, so i can get the fuck out of dodge and go to the beautiful state park in northern pennsylvania, where there are no cell phones, no internet, and no light pollution.

i'll hope for some northern lights, i suppose. and for some kind soul to let us see things through their telescopes.

because the $400 i've saved up for my trip home shouldn't be spent on a telescope at the star party.

i'm proud of myself.

i'm glad i am getting back on track financially.

i'm glad that i'm going out less. because the novelty was starting to wear off.

i'm glad that i'm still learning. i am glad that i know who i am, at this point in my life.

what i want. what i need. what to look for when i eventually let myself date, in as little as six months.

it's okay that i still think about coffee occasionally, and wonder if his live in girlfriend who is twelve years younger than him is starting to drive him a little crazy. if their relationship is starting to crumble.

and it's more than okay that all it would mean to me, if it did, is that i could kiss him if i wanted to and leave it at that.

keeping it in the family is what he called it.

random, i know. the thought was random. i haven't spent any amount of time thinking about it. just occasionally when she posts something on fb that catches my attention and reminds me that i only see it because she is with him. maybe it's because chalk brought his name up a couple times this trip and a few times the last trip. as if to remind me that he sees him and interacts with him. as if that, like the talking, makes him a more attractive option for me.

it really doesn't. i'd never do that. if someone is a thorn in his side, it's the last thing that i'd bring up. even if it's only a name drop. not that coffee is a thorn in my side, but it's still a sore subject, i guess.

maybe i'm only thinking of him becuase of the upcoming star party. because i only hope that someday i find a boy who enjoys the sky as much as i do, like he did. it was the thing i think of when i remember the time i spent with him. and maybe that is what i miss more than any other aspect of the desire to rekindle with him.

maybe it was the chill in the air this weekend that brings about a mental and emotional change in me that i can't help but to go through.

i'm growing and changing and learning. and i refuse to beat myself up about where my mind wanders as summer turns to fall.

i fear falling this fall. i fear getting to know that boy conor a little better, hopefully. and though i still think of intern in passing, i could never make that move with him. not knowing how stressed out i got this weekend with a florida friend in tow, walking around phila for anyone and everyone to see.

and maybe when i'm with a guy that i am attracted to in more than just a physical chemistry way, i'll finally be able to get off again. because when you can't, when you've had the best sex of your life to date, there's something wrong with that.

someday i'll let go. and there will be fireworks again.

but for tonight, i'll sleep alone, gladly. and i won't be sad (gasp!) that there's no one here in my bed that i want to be sleepless next to.

sunday into monday. labor day.

the title of this post, if it weren't the third of three, would be 'peacock'.

i've adeptly nicknamed chalk 'cocky chalk'. for more reasons than one, and to his face. which he concurs with.

this was about the time when i started to feel like i needed some space. i guess because it was a long weekend, i'd only thought of the payoff of having him here for three days and three nights. not about the time i'd probably want to myself, and that i have a threshold for his incessant talking.

we got back to the city, and into bed. we both had bellyaches from food in the mountains, and at the festival, and after a while of reading and being online while he showered, we both had recovered enough to go at it again.

and then he wanted to go out on the town.

and the other thing i realized was that, in the mountains, we can go and see and do all that we want. i do know one person, attached to a friend who lives there in the summer, and i didn't think we ran much of a risk of running into her.

but back here, i look around constantly, afraid of being caught.

and him wanting to go out posed a problem.

i didn't want to go to the bar that kit and i frequent, due to all of the looks and comments weeks after the first time, when he was kissing my ears and neck at the bar.

so we walked a couple blocks before he started to make me feel like he didn't want to walk too far in his dress shoes (he either doesn't own or refuses to pack sneakers or shoes better for walking around in), so we went to a nearly empty bar that has mediocre food. i warned him about the food, but he liked his sandwich.

then he wanted to go somewhere else for a beer, so we walked around a bit and went to a bar that kit's been telling me about, that i hadn't been to yet. if only i'd thought of it for dinner, it would have been a grand slam. but i didn't think of it until we passed it, so we had a beer and talked.

the bar was loud. chalk was louder. and talking and talking and talking.

i notice that a lot of people around me are louder than they need to be, as a rule. but he takes the cake.

and talking about wanting to do something with his life to be happier, means that he should choose an area of study. but saying as he has no tolerance for professors that he feels more knowledgeable than...he has no tolerance for that.

and talking about when he worked for this guy, and how he was salaried, and would find ways to not cut corners, but to do a great job in as little time as possible...

i found myself wanting to get back to the apartment as quickly as possible. i felt like he was on a loudspeaker, and didn't understand why. it made me think of a peacock, showing its feathers to be attractive and desirable.

but it had the opposite effect on me.

and on the walk home, which was only maybe three blocks, he got a splitting headache out of nowhere. and went to bed.

i gave him a back rub and motrin, and it was persistent, so we settled for watching 'the sandlot'. which is one of my all time favorite movies.

and maybe i'm dumb, but i am always surprised by movies. i never see things coming, and i'm always surprised, even when the plot line is what everyone else deems predictable.

so with every comment he made about how silly a line was, or every thing he saw coming from far ahead, i was disappointed. he liked the movie, but it didn't feel like it.

and his head was still hurting, so we went to sleep.

and i had nightmares about him finding a ticket home, because he still hadn't taken the five minutes to book one by this morning, when he was supposed to be leaving in the afternoon.

so i got up and looked, just to make sure that i was worrying for no reason.

and there were tickets, and they weren't any more expensive than they were when i was looking into going home, so i was relieved.

he woke up a short time later, and it took him over an hour to book a ticket. and even when he did, he had several problems.

i think that maybe chalk is super smart and good at everything except booking flights.

i shouldn't be so ingrateful, because the weekend was fantastic, but by the time it was this morning, i was ready to know when he'd be leaving so i could have my apartment and space back.

and i know that, like nina said, he's kindof putting me on with all the sadness on the day he leaves, and the 'but i don't wanna leave...' comments.

but i think that he thought that if he had a hard time finding a ticket, i'd allow him to stay longer. and i just wasn't about to do that.

he finally thought he'd booked a ticket (honestly, he could be at the airport right now, without one, and i wouldn't know because i didn't follow up after dropping him off). and we did it one last time, and laid around for a while, before i made lunch and he packed up.

perhaps it was a perfect storm. if i hadn't been so stressed on work, and still running errands today and going to work on my day off to set up for tomorrow, maybe i'd have had an easier time dealing with the lack of personal space.

but when i dropped him off, i realized something else.

i can't have him back. and that doesn't mean i don't want sex-filled weekends with him, but it means that, if it's not at home in florida, it will have to be a destination weekend. like, meet me in boston. meet me in atlanta.

i can't deal with the stress of entertaining him in a city where my soon to be ex husband could run into us. or any of his friends.

i need a new fuck buddy.

and in talking to kit tonight, over dinner and a beer, i realized that a local one might be harder for me to deal with, because post-ever tea is always less than six degrees of separation between any given person and ever. and i can't bear the guilt of it, and don't want to worry any more. i feel like i'm out of prison, but on house arrest. and i know i shouldn't care or worry. because it is my life and these are my choices. but i'm not there yet. and that is why i think that, as long as i live in this city, i never will be.

to say that i look forward to another bbq with that boy (his name is conor) is an understatement. he lives in a different part of the city, far from the reaches of ever and his brood. he feels safe, even though i don't know him at all.

i just smoked three cigarettes writing this post and the last. and one beer.

it's only nine and i know i need to sleep, but feel like it will be hard to get rest and solid sleep before what is sure to be a ball-busting day at work tomorrow.

i need to unwind. and i'm somehow surprised that a chalk weekend, complete with jacuzzi suite in the mountains, didn't supply me with that. for all the time i spent in bed the last three days, i spent none of it sleeping soundly.

i need sweet dreams. i need less stress. i need job security.

i fear i'll get none of those things...

saturday through sunday afternoon. labor day.

saturday was fantastic. i had more sex in one day than i probably ever will again. four times in one day.

woke up. drove due north. traffic was tolerable, not as bad as i had expected, because most of the city people wento to the jersey shore, which made me very happy that i chose the mountains over the beach.

got there and sat in a little traffic. mountain town type traffic. checked in without issue.

the room was mostly awesome. there was a lack of a bathroom wall, because the room was designed with fucking in mind, i suppose. the bathroom was on the left, and had a door. but next to the toilet was the jacuzzi tub and next to that was the bed. there were two curtains, one on each side. but when both were open, you could see the toilet from the bed.

the word chalk used was intimate.

in any case, we took a bubble bath without wasting any time. which was delightful. and used the room as it was intended, a quick toweling and into bed.

we had this conversation about relationships, which is something we have done every day that he has spent here. he talked about his seven year girlfriend breakup, and asked questions about the end of my marriage, and i talked at length about ever and everything that went wrong.

we went out to dinner at a local brewery and realized for the hundredth time that i am spoiled on phila food. and phila beer. but i also think i did a great job of selecting places, as the town was small and the selections were few.

went back, had more sex, he took a nap, and i finished my book. it was about ten when i woke him up, had another bath and drank the wine.

in my planning, i'd remembered the wine glasses, and forgotten the corkscrew. room service at midnight didn't have one, so we had to go to 'the lounge' where there was a 'party'.

it was strange. this was something noteworthy in town, and to get an open bottle of wine to share, we had to go in. everyone was super fancy. the music was awful. the people were scary (to put it lightly) and the scene was really uncomfortable.

it made me feel sorry for the people there, half of which were probably staying in the hotel (easy access for getting picked up/picking up, i suppose).

the bouncer didn't want to let us in to get the bottle opened, but finally did, and we got in and out as quickly as possible.

it's hard to explain. but i was creeped out. and we were glad that the 'party' in 'the lounge' was not part of our evening plans.

there was this creepy dude standing outside the bar, looking really drunk. we took the wine to the room and had a glass each, talked, and went out to smoke with full glasses.

i was having a hard time focusing at that point, i hadn't had wine in a while, much less a nice bottle of wine since kit's wine party.

while we were smoking last cigarettes before going inside with drained glasses, creepy dude went past us and inside with a girl that i truly felt sorry for. she was too together for him, and i wanted to say to her, 'really? no. you can do better.'

and because it was the jacuzzi suite, and i'm cheap, i demanded a second bath. not that there would have been a fight, but i was going in regardless of company.

he was trying to politely tell me that this bath couldn't possibly end in more sex, but after a bit of time in the tub, his body was in agreement with my mind, and that was when it happened.

the best sex of my life, to date.

seriously? i'm still a little tingly thinking about it now, which is saying a lot. because since then, it's been a strange weekend with chalk.

but then, it was incredible.

we passed out, and i woke up from terrible dreams about ever; i blame it on all the talking the night before.

i woke up heavy with guilt, and very heady. i was waking up on the hour all night, and gave up at 915 to hit the continental breakfast, and to get some coffee and snacks for the day we had planned.

i let him sleep as long as possible, for check out.

i wrote the friday post in bed while he slept, then got up to get ready and re-pack before leaving.

when we got into the car, i turned on the gps to help us find the festival i wanted to go to in town.

the night before, i'd dropped it on the ground after the trip to the brewery. i had stood up, forgetting it was in my lap.

when i turned it on the next morning, it said the sd card was missing.

i didn't remember it having one before, and looked on the ground outside the car, and tore the car apart. nowhere.

he was fine with driving around town in an effort to find the festival, so we drove for about an hour, before i remembered the map in the passenger side door. of course, the town we were looking for wasn't on it, so we got back on the highway and started aimlessly driving, looking for road signs for it.


well, nothing but traffic.

about the time we got off just past the exit for the hotel, i remembered dropping the gps and wished that a trip back past the hotel would turn up the card, if one existed.

and it was laying there, in the parking lot. saved!

into the car and onto the festival. as we arrived, the quantity of people in mom jeans and overalls went through the roof, and i was worried that we'd just driven ten miles, ultimately, in like two hours, to get to something that was going to be a disappointment.

but the best quality chalk possesses, besides skills in bed, is that he is both patient and grateful. and he was perfectly happy paying for our tickets in to walk around and look at farm animals and county fair style food booths. there was no garlic in the air and other than garlic chowder and shrimp scampi (which i cannot stand) there was little in the way of garlic, which was strange, as we were at the third biggest garlic festival in the country.

we watched a super cheesy magic show, and left for the city. if only there had been 'the final countdown', it might have been better. but 'do you believe in magic' followed by a lot of juggling and balancing was lackluster.

he slept for most of the ride back, and i sleepily drove us home.