omg. i think i have a date. march 11.

elevens are lucky. today i got a message from one of the four boys i messaged last night. well, i winked at three, and messaged this one. he's 'alot' from here on out. and yes, thanks to hyperbole and a half, i'll never mistake him for a lot.

i'm pretty excited. and suddenly nervous, all at the same time.

this followed a day of feeling so sorry for myself.

i slept well in the house, which i'd been anxious about. i woke up at 8 i guess, an hour before i had to be up. or so i'd sleepy-math figured i needed to be.

i was worried about the boys needing bathroom time, so i was laying in bed until 9, when i knew they'd both be gone for work. to avoid any bathroom double booking.

by the time i got to work, i guess it was 945. i had my gyn appointment at 1045, so i wasn't stressed on it. only i got there, and realized i had serious money issues. i'd put the deposits for suck store in my bag, all mixed up, and had to straighten it out. kenna called in the middle of that, stressing and asking me questions, so i couldn't get anything figured out.

but i got off the phone, and sorted the money, and had half an hour to get to suck store hospital, where my doctor is.

and for the second time in a week, i got stuck on a bridge. it's the worst. traffic was dead stopped. and i don't have a fear of driving on bridges, but both nate and kit do. and today's was worse than the other one this week. maybe ten minutes on the slope up. so bad. i started to get panicky, which was already happening, because i was running late. and i hate being late and rushing around.

i hoped that she would still see me. and that i'd make it somehow on time. i ended up being five minutes late.

i had also been anxious about the new doctor.

but linda was awesome. middle fifties, maybe? a black woman. and i started joking around with her right away, so i'd be more comfortable. i had totally convinced myself, waiting there, that i knew this linda, and make her a drink everyday. i was horrified about that possibility. the last thing i want is for her to be poking around down there.

so it was awesome when that wasn't the woman who walked in.

she asked a few questions, and i told her that i wanted to be screened for std's. i'm sure that i am fine, but before i go out into the world and do the girl equivalent of spreading my seed, i want to know that i'm not putting anyone in harm's way. she asked if ever had been running around, and i told her that i didn't think. but that i was just overly cautious. same with birth control. i told her that, in light of what i'm looking for with boys right now, that i'd be super careful and not have unprotected sex, but that i'd like a birth control prescription for back up. just in case.

she commended my precautions, and made me feel better about it.

scrape, scrape, scrape (thanks for this line, nina). it was over before i realized it was over, which made me feel so much better about her as a doctor. and i was on my way after a lot of joking about having sex soon. i told her how i'd asked patti for help with my lack of drive when i was with ever, and how as soon as he was out of the picture, i kinda came unglued, sexually. like, wanting it all day every day.

it was nice to not worry about talking to a perfect stranger about the most intimate of topics. thankfully, i've become more liberated about talking about sex this past year, because a year ago, i could not. i couldn't even say 'tampons' without feeling awkward. but now? no problem. she joked about the expiration date being 2013 on the ring sample she gave me, and said something about 'let's hope you can use it by then!' it was funny. she assured me i'd be having safe sex in no time.

so i left there and went to delaware. the drive was sunny and warmer - it was 50 today! so i was in a good mood.

i bought beer, and got taco bell again. i ordered two things, instead of three and a soda, which is always too much. and i always eat it all. so that was an improvement.

but it was funny, because i got to the office, and went into the break room, and everyone got up and left. it was due to my timing, i was there 30 minutes after they break for lunch. but it was just a strange thing, to sit down and four people got up and five left the room.

so i ate and played scrabble and went to work. i only wanted to be there for an hour, but ended up there a bit longer. what was good was that i called the exterminator (for the mice in the house that are out of control), verizon (to cancel apartment internet), and the gas company (to shut off apartment gas). i felt really accomplished.

i did my change of address on the way home from work yesterday, and no mail showed up for me today, so i think it's done. pretty good.

the only utility left is the electric, but until i clean there and collect the deposit, i'll leave it on.

so i knew that when i left the office, i had to get gas and lottery tickets (yes, HAD to), and when i was done, i called nina and she talked to me for a long time, while i drove to north phila to get the printing clean up chemicals that will hopefully fix the mess ever made of the third floor.

and after about 30 minutes of driving, i hit a traffic jam on 95. i never take 95 past the airport, and i hate it. because there's always traffic. and today? for the second time in five hours, stuck on a bridge.

this was even worse than this morning. maybe 15 or 20 minutes, dead stopped. what was worse is that this bridge is a double decker. the last time i got stuck under it was right after the minneapolis bridge collapse, and i freaked out. and today was after the earthquake news (brought to my attention by facebook, naturally). i cannot put words on how unnerving it is to sit perfectly still on a bridge for an extended length of time, and to feel the bridge shaking nonstop. big trucks alongside, worse, big trucks flying by above.

if i hadn't been talking to nina, i think i would have peed my pants and had a full blown anxiety attack. i got off the phone with her as we were starting to move out from underneath the top level. and drove to the printing supply place.

and i sat through this one stoplight for two cycles, because the turn signal wasn't coming on, and traffic was a nightmare. as i was running the light that had turned yellow, i realized there were cameras on the intersection. so this little trip probably just cost $100 more for running a red light. i was upset.

of course, they didn't have the small bottle. so i had to pay $27 for the gallon. fucking ever. goddammit. $127 if i get the ticket. unreal.

and i hated going there when i was with him. he'd always send me, because he'd be 'busy' or i'd have the car. as if it was on the way home from work, which it was not. no part of north phila is on the way home from anywhere, frankly. it's rough.

the people who own it are most certainly white supremacist assholes. the owner is maybe 50, big dude who looks a bit like hulk hogan, with a white and blonde handlebar mustache. he's just never nice. and i feel like at one point he was comfortable enough with ever to throw around the n-word.

hate hate hate. and to find only the giant jug of chemical pissed me the hell off. and of course, as i was driving there, i thought 'there's probably another supply place - i should have looked first'. because i HATE giving these people my money. i always have. and before, there were no options. but as printing has increased in popularity, surely there is an alternative.

if this does work, the wood floors will be savaged. and as i was pulling away, i realized that this is a different chemical than the one i'll need to get the emulsion off the tile and floors.

my whole day was like that. just making stupid mistakes. all day long. forgetting something that required twice as much time as it should have. and i tried to roll with it, chalking it up to a disrupted routine.

the kicker was, when i finally left printing supply, i got stuck in traffic. it had taken over an hour to get there from delaware. so i was already wickedly burnt on spending an entire day stuck in traffic. and i then sat in more traffic. a long line, that was letting five cars through a light before changing. for like a mile. and people kept getting in front of cars ahead of me, making it so i wasn't moving.

all this to turn onto the street my apartment is on. and i cannot believe that it took something very close to an accident (maybe a foot from getting hit by a woman who was on her phone running stop signs at every chance) and eighteen blocks, before i realized that i didn't live at the apartment anymore.

it's a funny learning curve. i'm usually so crazy about it, that i don't make the mistake. i will literally tell myself aloud that i'm not going to the old place. and i don't remember ever actually making the mistake of doing it.

and today i did it.

so i made the best of it, and took the rest of my stuff out of the apartment. it was all my super fragile stuff that family made for me (plates and mugs), my tv, my art stuff. things i didn't want getting messed up in the move.

so i think i made four trips to the car, carefully, and then came to the house.

and when i got here, somehow i made myself unload it all. which is a hard thing for me to do. so i'm proud that i did it.

and i got leftovers from dinner with realtor last night. and a beer, because as i previously said, i was feeling sorry for myself and needed to feel better momentarily.

and sat down to check my email.

and imagine my surprise when i had a message from one of the boys from last night. one of my four star boys. alot.

it feels so great to have someone see what i have written out on my profile, and say 'yes i'm up to meet you out. just give me a week.'

i guess he's in school, and has finals this week? it's a little early, i can't remember what he said he was studying. but i think he's 29. and it just made my day. well, night, because the entire day was a total loss. so i wrote him back and said that i look forward to meeting up once he has crossed the finish line. maybe he meant midterms. it's entirely too soon to start overthinking it. and i'm not afraid to follow up with him if i don't hear from him.

i had talked to nina about dating site a lot on the way home from work. because i had checked today and had no messages back, so i was sad about it. and i told her that i'd message four more tonight, in an effort to cast a bigger net. i figure i'll message twenty boys, and be lucky to get one response.

what was more surprising was that the 'sure thing', the guy i was afraid was too much like chalk, didn't message me back. as soon as i logged onto his profile, a box popped up saying he was logging onto mine. so i thought for sure that i'd get something quickly. and i didn't.

and still haven't.

i only decided that i needed another practice date, since meow guy fell off the face of the planet after asking for time to get back to me. so i decided to give chalk v2.0 a chance. and then he dissed me.

nina said that, like me, they'll probably take a little while to get back to me. like i did to meow guy. and i already knew that, because kit had said the exact same thing.

so i have been trying not to take it personally, but added onto the pile of feeling sorry for myself all day, it was intolerable.

so that made it all the sweeter to get a message. i'm motivated to do that more now. maybe i shouldn't push my luck. but i fear putting eggs in one pretend basket anyways. i mean, he could flake. he could suck. he could hit it off with someone else in the next week.

i fear that aspect of this. the idea here is to create a roster of respectable decent guys, with whom to have sex. not one guy. a few. for a few reasons.

first, i think it will keep me from waiting for one boy or hoping for one boy. i don't want to get hurt, especially when my only intention for them is to have some fun and not be serious in any way.

second, it's probably better to be busy with other people some of the time. to seem like i'm in high demand. is that weird? i don't want to be too available.

third, it might take a month to nail a dude down for a drink. and i can't wait a month to have all hopes of having sex dashed if a date goes poorly.

fourth, i think it's ultimately going to be a confidence builder, once i get over the initial hurdle of getting silently rejected. it will take a while before there is no sting. but i know that, outside of the realm of real life/a bar, i can approach boys. i would never do it otherwise. this will make it so that i'm more comfortable in real life approaching boys. which is a skill that i am absolutely going to have to hone if i want to survive singledom.

so, now that i've convinced myself, i will continue casting the net. and seeing what fish i end up with.

i'm so glad my day ended better than it started.

last night was crazy. i left suck store and went to the apartment to pick up some stuff. i came to the house, and hung out for a while after making my bed and arranging the room a little. i picked up realtor, and pizza, and we came here to eat and then work.

she is a machine. i was so grateful to have her help. she's like me, she actually enjoys cleaning things so that you feel better about using them. and she put things away for me. she was here for four hours, the first part spent talking over dinner. and by ten, when we were both yawning incessantly, making each other yawn (did you yawn reading that? i did!), i told her i was taking her home. she would have been content to stay and help more, and i would have, too. but then we would have very quickly reached the point of no return, where we were both miserable and then had a rough night's sleep from being overly exhausted.

so it was the perfect time to end night one of unpacking. i took her home in the pouring rain. it had been raining for what felt like days, pouring, and generally ruining everyone's mood and making everything so much more difficult than it had to be. and we talked some more in the car, and then i came back and got into bed. i talked nina up while i goofed off on dating site. it was pretty awesome, and then i forced myself to stop, because it was meaning that 100% of the time i spent talking to her in 48 hours had been about dating site boys.

then i said goodnight, put on the universe again, and passed out around one.

today at the office, i discussed taxes with the accountant. and i was a little shellshocked when she advised me to file for an extension and file with ever.

she said that she knows that i don't want to talk to him, but that the standard deductions are going to kill me. and that, because he doesn't make any income, the house deductions will be wasted on him.

even after i explained to her that he is a mess, that he hasn't put money aside to pay his taxes, and that i always pay his taxes for him out of my withholding, not to mention, i don't want my name associated with his shady business dealings anymore, she still recommended it.

i don't know what i'm going to do. i suppose i will think about it and email him about it.

it's worth it to me to pay that money and be completely separated from him, as far as the irs is concerned. but i didn't know that this was going to happen, and i didn't put aside money to pay mine. i don't know if he's going to claim rent, so i don't know how to handle the house either. i'd rather figure out a way to pay my taxes and be separated, but i think what would help the most is to know what he plans on filing.

he probably took a loss on paper again, so combining with him might actually help me. because instead of both of us owing, his loss might counteract my gain.

with a month to figure it out, i'm already nervous about it. i'll give it a week, and talk it over with my family.

i have so much to do. something about getting my bedroom done in one three hour window makes me unmotivated to deal with the kitchen and third floor organizing/unpacking.

or maybe it's just because it's friday night. and because for an easy week where i was worried about working more than nine hours, i worked every day, and really only took off a total of maybe six hours this week. when i wanted to take off a few days for moving and unpacking. to relax a little.

and i've been laying in bed since i unloaded the car. writing, waiting for kit to get home and get ready.

i'm taking her to a bar that is about three blocks away from the house, and i am hoping that it's a good decision. i can't honestly say that i've ever even heard of it. and she's starving. i really hope this place is still standing/has awesome food/has awesome beer. it's a brewery. my fingers are crossed...

moving day. again. march 10th.

a year and four days. that's how long it has been since i moved out of the house and into kit's 'halfway house' apartment.

it's strange.

i woke up slowly this morning, when i really should have been moving quickly. but i just couldn't make myself go. i got a shower and packed all of my bathroom stuff into the nearly full bin i'd made. put the dried off dishes into their respective boxes and bins.

i ended up making a huge pile of stuff that i wanted to move myself, so as to not end up with broken things that can't be replaced. and leaving miss breezy (my bike) there, too. but everything else went. i remembered to put the fridge stuff into my cooler, and make them move it.

everything was cool, they had everything into the truck in 40 minutes. but my friend, who was driving, one of ever's former employees, locked the keys in the truck. so we were stuck, stalled out for an hour while they tried to break into it with two flimsy wire hangers that weren't doing the trick.

i walked around the block and found a broken wire hanger on the sidewalk (the only time i have been grateful for trash on the streets), and brought it back. the south phila trash gods smiled upon us, within a few minutes, the door was open and we were off to the house.

i think the unloading portion of the move took maybe 20 minutes. i'd thought it would take longer than the moving out of the apartment, as there are three floors to put things on. but it was twice as fast.

i paid and tipped them well, and raced to suck store to cover for cat.

i have another hour to goof off before i close up shop and go about the rest of my day. moving stuff, unpacking, rearranging.

it will be intense, but the worst part was done for me. i cannot say how grateful i am for hiring movers. i'm so cheap, i almost didn't do it. but it was seriously the smartest $300 i have ever spent, possibly. and i have never moved/been moved so fast in my entire life.

i will probably never move myself again. it was that awesome.

not to mention, that minus sloshing around in wet crocs and wet jeans during the move and at work, i'm not tired. that is the best part. and i'm not sore either. i didn't life something the wrong way and pull my back out. yay for working smart, not hard. i am a fan.

i don't really know what to expect. i think i'll probably wake up confused tomorrow. not having to move all that shit around means that it will be a little surreal to experience everything being at the house now.

ripping the band aid off is probably the best way to move, so i will eventually be grateful for a quicker settling in period, created out of necessity. having only random stuff at the apartment will take about 30 minutes to load into the car. and maybe an hour of cleaning. and then? done! go directly to jail - do not pass go. and collect $700.

in other better, brighter, more wonderful news, my stalker skills paid off. dark sky star party tickets went on sale yesterday morning. and in light of all the money i've been spending on tickets for my own personal entertainment lately, this just follows suit.

the party is over memorial day weekend this year, so i know it will sell out a lot faster, because everyone will be able to go without missing work. i'd been checking the site every day since i realized it was about to go on sale, but they hadn't updated it yet. yesterday, it was on sale, and i'd say within a few hours of it going on sale, i had my space reserved for my little tent.

i'm so excited. 75 days from now, i'll spend four days and four nights under the most beautiful sky i will see until i head to the west coast. i cannot wait. my stomach is flipping just thinking about it.

i'm even more excited because there's a good chance that aubree might go this time. kit is trying to figure out if she can go, because one of five weddings she's supposed to attend is that weekend, back home. so she might not be able to go. and i told aubree, if she backs out and kit backs out, i have two months to find a hot boy to share the tent with. that seems unlikely, though. ten to twelve hours in the car and four sleepless nights without showering sounds like the least romantic thing. or maybe just the chance to be the least romantic thing ever. because if it went badly, i'd be in the middle of nowhere with no one i know to vent to. and stuck with a smelly boy for five whole days. ugh!

unless, of course, there was an intern... see? months of trying not to think about him or talk about him, and i still want to jump him under the stars. sigh... my stomach flipped harder with that tiny little thought.

what will be will be. no matter what, i will be under that sky. and that makes me insanely happy.

off to the house, bloggerland. here's to hoping for things to go smoothly and quickly. and for nothing important getting lost in the shuffle. the beer is there, so i'm off to a good start!

crunch time. march 9th.

so it's the night before moving day. and there are not words for how much i want to skip art class and just stay home and drink and pack the rest of my stuff. organize the boxes into fragile and not fragile. and mark them according to which floor they go on in the house.

i'm hoping i don't offend them when i ask them to move stuff that is already in the house. stuff ever left behind that i don't want to have in the rooms i'm using. i decided the bakers racks should all go into the basement, so things can be stored, on wheeled carts, up off the floor. because emptying and cleaning the basement is a top priority, even though there's not really a need for it to be. and i realized that the bed ever left behind can be topped by the futon pad and then i can sleep on it. so that is pretty awesome.

* * *

i went to art class despite debating it in the parking lot after dinner and beer with kit. i was too full and too tired and too dreading the packing. but i went. and it was the best night i think i've had.

i'm powering through packing now. organizing boxes and marking which floor they go on.

i think it's going to be okay. so much for transitioning between places. i'm just moving in... it will be okay. everything will be ooooookayyyyy.

i'm too tired to write more. i'm just glad i got some kind of a fourth wind and could pack the rest. i'm very close to being done. and that makes me very very happy.

having realtor help me tomorrow night will be awesome. she's great at arranging. and offered to help me unpack, too.

tomorrow i'll write from the house. and that trips me right the fuck OUT.

the landlord. march 7-8.

so i'm at the house and posting from iphone. turns out the one time i didn't bring blacktop is the one time I could have really used it...


today was strange. there was no work to do at work, so i left early as planned. caught a noon trolley to city hall to record the deed ever signed over to me. only it was $200 and i couldnt pay it because of moving and not having collected rent yet. the movers take cash only, so there was no wiggle room.

i talked to mike tonight, for a minute. he was meeting ever to give him his paycheck and they discussed it, so i should have a check when he gets home. well see... shaun is a mystery. i left them a note on community board to pay it. oh, landlordship...

the rest of my day was spent packing, because i'm at suck store the next two days, and didn't anticipate feeling like packing after. i did a lot, got a lot done, and when i took down the curtains, it looked unlike my place, and i started to realize that i'm only there for a couple more nights, which totally depresses me. the only upside is that i really need the $700 security deposit back, and having that will give me some breathing room. and some botox. yes!!

in other news, i messaged the captain and another boy and didn't hear back from either of them. i decided against the beard boy because we only matched 60% and I think he might be a little spiritual/churchy for my taste. i might change my mind.

i have twenty or so four star boys to message before i lower my standards and attempt to hook up with a three star.

this is why i hate this neighborhood: in the twenty minutes since i swept the street and put the trash out, there are now three little 25 cent chip bags on my sidewalk. fucking trashy people. i hate them.

i noticed this coming back from ordering chinese food for dinner, which is the only bright spot in this night. i have been craving it for months, and i'm pretty excited to finally have it. because i'm a picky little eater, i always get the same thing: sweet and sour chicken with pork fried rice, with curry sauce instead of sweet and sour. when you order curry chicken, you get slimy little chickens. i like chinese style chicken nuggets (naturally), so my order has a lot of descriptors. i'm a pain in the ass.


yeah. so that was last night. today was suck store.

i really should stop calling it that. i mean, it sucks more than ever, but these people tip me retardedly well. i've probably done like $150 in coffee, and have made like $25 in tips.

i am so tired. beyond tired.

and i can't figure it out, really. i think it's anxiety related. because yesterday when i was dealing with the deed, i was having a little freakout. despite this hot middle eastern dude on the trolley sitting behind me, who looked a lot like crow boy with longer hair. it was only a temporary distraction. i think i have found another set of crushes. jewish boys, and apparently blue eyed middle eastern hotties.

in any case, i was standing in the middle of center city, literally, outside city hall. i stopped to light a cigarette and carry on an internal dialogue with myself about where i needed to go next, and which method of public transportation was required to get there.

it was sad. i really didn't know where to go. or how to go. then i realized that i needed my car. and to go to my apartment. and iphone saved me, telling me where to catch the bus. and then i missed my stop, went a block too far, and walked back and over to my place.

and then work stuff started going a little crazy. and i had a few calls and emails to handle, despite being out of work for the day. and that was stressful, because it deals with contracts and obligations that i'm not prepared to handle.

and then i started packing. everything. and that pushed me a little closer to the edge still. because when i took down all my curtains, my apartment's ugliness returned. and then i realized how much better i'd made the place look. and how disappointed the next tenants will be when they realize that i took everything of mine with me. and how fucking ugly and run down the shit is. i took a bunch of pictures of myself in the apartment, because my hair was crazy and there were boxes everywhere.

aside from that, i went to the house early, in hopes of catching one or both of the guys at home, and to get all the trash out onto the curb.

i did all of it myself, except for the catty couch, which mike helped me move.

then walked to the beer store, where i stood in line with about eight people, reeking of beer, the lot of them. in that 'i'm on disability and have been drinking all day and i'm paying for my beer with nickels' kindof a way. and there were kids in the store, because they sell other stuff, too. and this guy was saying 'it's crowded as a muthafucka in here'. i swear with the rest of them, but come on.

i felt super trashy waiting there, and even trashier buying two pbr tall boys. and she thought i wanted the 24 oz pbr. i didn't even know they made that! they're crazy huge cans of beer. unreal. the thought of drinking two blew my mind a little.

so i stooped with my beer after sweeping the street. saw my old neighbor (the house flipper) who talked to me for a long time. it was nice. i have this fear, still, that people won't speak to me because of what i did to ever. but they do. and they're just as nice as they were. the neighbors (three so far) have all said, 'oh! you're back!' car wash even put his blunt by his side to say hi, between blowing snot rockets off his stoop onto his sidewalk. lovely guy, that one. a real charmer.

and it felt good to sweep, and good to sit and smoke, and good to get the trash out. but i was tired and drained, and another pass of mopping and being hungry and wanting beer and waiting sucked.

but it was worth it, mostly. because the contractor was awesome. he already saved me money, just by telling me a few things i could do to save resources in the house and use them elsewhere. and i collected rent, and put it in the bank today. and got the cash for the movers. everything seems to be coming together.

we spent well over an hour talking and going through the house. and he knows his shit. and will fix all the shitty contractor fuckups. and happened to have some awesome ideas for the house, to add to the appeal and reveal its full potential. but i don't know that i can afford it. we shall see...

realtor and contractor both opened up the possibility of renting the place out for a while. i could go to fla for a while, and still have the house to come back to. i'm entertaining it. i guess the next few months will determine that. how much of an influence ever has or doesn't over my future-wise. if i overcome it, then i get the best of everything.

as much work as i've been doing, i'm actually excited to go back to the house and work on it and fix it up. and buying time by renting it out for a while means that i can do a lot more work, over time. no rush for money.

so i have a lot on my mind. and now i will try to sleep. big day tomorrow. work, packing the rest of what i own, and next to last art class.

with that, i bid you good night:

i am the landlord. i am the walrus. goo goo g'joob...

loud sex sundays. march 6th.

so i know, for a fact, that every sunday my upstairs neighbor is home to put out her trash. and it took about a month of hearing her loud sex to realize that every garbage night, i have to drown out her sex.

thanks, evelyn. i'll put my trash out shortly. thanks for reminding me.


it's been an interesting weekend. that last post was long and drawn out. i was up until four on saturday morning. caught a four hour nap and went to dc with kit. it was worth the pain i was in, because her parents are awesome, seeing her sisters again was fun, and meeting her three week old nephew was amazing.

just like the last time i held a baby, this one made me pine for that time in my life.

i mostly think i don't ever need to have a kid, until i hold a baby. her nephew is so sweet. he sleeps a lot, but when he was awake, he was just checking everything out, looking around, and not making a sound.

i got to hold him for a long time, while he was sleeping. and touching his super soft head, rubbing his long tiny back and feeling his spine, and looking at his tiny hand clenched around the top third of my thumb just sealed it. i don't think i can refrain from having a kid at some point.

he was making the cutest noises while he was sleeping on me, nuzzled into my chest, with his legs tucked up. like newborn versions of kitten purrs. i couldn't stop smiling and laughing.

in any case, we ate a lot of food, drank too much coffee, and just talked with everyone for hours. and then got back into the car and drove the almost four hours back. it was sweet and condensed. and there was no traffic on the way back, only a little on the way down. we spent half the time talking, and half the time with the music super loud, saying nothing.

i value a friend who can ride in silence, and not think something is wrong. sometimes it's nice to have company, and not feel a need to fill the air with words. to just be. it was great.

and we rolled back into town, wiped out from the driving, went to favorite bar, shared a burger and fries. had a couple beers, and parted ways.

i got inside, checked email and whatnot. and my eyes were closing while i was trying to queue up saturn on the universe (one of my favorite episodes). i didn't make it through the opening credits. it was awesome. and i had earplugs in, and put on my sleep mask. and i woke up ten hours later.

best night's sleep in so long. seriously. i woke up with a sore back, i slept so long.

and made coffee, and went to the house.

i did my laundry, which was awesome. i cleaned, another pass of mopping. i think this is six for the third floor, and three for the rest of the house. i'll keep mopping until the water runs clear. it's still very gray. and because it's been raining, it was musty smoke smell in every room. so gross.

then, i mopped a second time today, and this time i grabbed pinesol. i hate pinesol. the smell of it. how it makes so many suds and streaks the floor. but when the bedroom had dried, i couldn't smell smoke. just pinesol. we'll see if that sticks.

tomorrow, i meet up with realtor and contractor. we're having a beer, and then he's going to walk through and see the house with us. help me put together a list of things that he can help me with, to get ready for sale. what to worry about and what not to worry about.

at kit's sister's house, i paid attention to the paint there, because they essentially have the dream house version of my house. it's a light brown, and i think that might be the color i go with in the house. it sounds boring, neutral, for me. but in their house, it feels comfortable, and looks like a catalog, very rich, very tasteful. i think i just tend to personalize where i live. and i have to remember that this house isn't for me, it's for someone else to fall in love with. and neutrality always wins.

so i'll feel better after that meeting. not to mention, i'll get his opinion on the garage, so i'll know what i have to do next.

i spent some more time today updating my profile on dating site. i like changing it often. my mood changes, what i think is important changes. what i think is cheesy as an afterthought requires removal.

because music is most important to me, i add to that more than anything else. i always look at music other people list, if i get that far into their profile. and little fireworks go off in my brain when they list someone i really love, that is obscure. it reminds me of that hipster joke...

q: how many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a: it's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

today was productive at the house. i got up and went over at 1130 i guess. didn't drink enough coffee and gave myself a wicked headache. probably because i drank so much coffee all day yesterday, and then tried to squeak by on one glass today. but before i came home with the headache, i did so much.

i spent a whole hour changing the door locks. i changed the handle first, then the deadbolt. it was pretty tough, lacking a power screwdriver and all. and it's not the easiest thing in the world to do, but a hell of a lot easier than you might think.

it looks awesome. no more busted up ghetto brass handle. pretty brushed nickel. so sleek. it makes me want to paint the front door. which is dirty white. gross.

no more flood of people with keys. no more ever access. brilliant.

he texted to say he was meeting mike tonight. and i ignored him. he wanted me to tell him where his paycheck was that arrived in the mail. since i've not collected rent from mike, because ever ignored my texts asking him to clarify that they pay me now, i'm holding on to the only thing i have to hold over his head. even though it's probably a ten dollar check for an hour of work.

that was mean. and probably not too far off. and i'm not sorry.

after the door, i mopped the top two floors. again. and then went to the store. walmart. again.

bought a staple gun. some bins for food, some dry erase markers and push pins for the board where we'll have bills and notes. a new welcome mat.

tomorrow night is going to be so awesome. after the walkthrough, a huge trash night. again. so so good. as the house gets cleaner and emptier, i think i get more excited. i meant to take pictures tonight. and forgot. because of the headache. damn.

but i remembered to leave a note saying that rent is $525, due on the first, no later than the fifth.

today is the sixth. they'd better pay by tomorrow, or i'm going to be much less nice than last night, and make much more of an impression.

when i got back with my brand new staple gun, i fixed the carpet on the stairs. i cannot believe ever, still. but i fixed it. it only took about fifteen minutes to figure out how to use the damned thing. i know it's simple. i think i loaded the staples wrong, and then couldn't get it from there. i figured it out eventually.

you know, it relates to this, and also to dating site.

i'm smart, okay? i have an above average iq, i am book smart. but when it comes to common sense shit, and being observant, and coming up with immediate responses, i'm a fucking lost cause. i can't figure out simple things, i miss everything, even when everyone around me sees/hears/observes it, and i think of the witty response like three days later.

to be clear, i am smart. and the test i took the other night on dating site said i'm a pure nerd. but when it comes to looking smart in front of boys? that will probably never happen. at least i'm not afraid of that.

and i proved a few things to myself today, by fixing more shit ever hadn't. i was proud. i felt accomplished. and i was done by four. and have been laying in bed relaxing ever since.

i think beard boy is going to get hit on next. i mean, most of them have beards, it's true. but this one has beard in his username. he's tall, but otherwise seems like someone i'd crush on.

here's to hoping for some retaliation loud sex before moving out of this apartment...