defeated. june 13th.

man. i am having a pretty difficult time, feeling kinda sick to my stomach, and wanting to stick my head in the sand and come out after a leave of absence.


i guess it makes sense that quinn had a lot to say back. and i also guess that it follows suit that she'd ask for kenna's email.

i already told kenna that she thinks she can do my job better than me, that she thinks i don't do anything, and that i knew she'd have a lot to say to her when they eventually meet up.


so i gave her the email address. and promptly texted kenna to give her the heads up. whatever. it will be interesting to hear what she has to say about it.

she did say that she has my back, regardless.


i didn't say anything that i think was out of line. and kenna knows i want to get rid of her, so hopefully she can take an approach to responding to her that makes me feel better about it.


i wish i knew what it is that bothers me so much. i did what she considered attacking her. and she did what i consider to be attacking me.

at least i told kenna about this stuff along the way, so it won't be a surprise.

whatever.

i shouldn't care. and maybe if kenna plays her cards right, it will make quinn leave.

i can't worry about it.

the only thing she can say that looks bad is that i don't go over there as much as i should, and that's because i hate them so much. not the best thing to be called out on. but whatever.


maybe part of why this day sucked so hard is that i had no distractions. i just had my job to do, all day long.


maybe the other reason is that i don't even feel like fighting her. i feel kinda like giving up. my insurance doubled, i found that out today.


and really? i think that for a while, mentally, i thought i'd have left this job by now.

i write about leaving the job enough. what's ironic is that, when i hired her, i intended to give her my job when i left. i realized pretty early on that i was wrong in thinking that. too young, immature, dramatic, and dishonest to have that be a good decision.

she is one of those people that, when you ask her a question, she looks around instead of looking at you, and you just know she's being dishonest. i think she lies enough that she can't keep her lies straight.

whatever. i can't even think about it anymore today. it's literally making me feel sick.


and i have nothing going on today. so i think i'm going to go to my room and watch a bunch of internet tv.

and try to not think about any of it until tomorrow, when i go to work, and clean my way through another day of dealing with quinn's bullshit. and then talk to kenna about whatever it is that she emails her.

barf.


i'm glad that the rest of my employees think i'm a good boss. maybe they think i'm good because i'm nice and helpful to everyone but her. and because i don't do my job as well as i could, being the hardass about the shit i should be a hardass about.

kenna tells me often enough that i do a good job, and that she trusts me. that should be enough, but being called into question, and having someone go over my head is a strange and different predicament.


at the end of the day, with her, i think repeatedly, 'who does she think she is?'

and kenna echoes that sentimentality, along with everyone at the office, and all of my other employees.

and i shouldn't include them in it, but it's one of those things... i feel like i'm taking crazy pills sometimes. and it helps to have a bunch of people tell me otherwise. i'll try to be better and less dramatic.


i'm sure she'll mention her raise. and i'm sure she'll mention that i haven't been over there. and that i'm completely unprofessional, in her own words. oh, and that i do things that are inappropriate.


this feels really bad.