recovery. june 6th.

seems a fitting title on ever's birthday.

i'm all about recovery today.

it started last night, when my phone rang. that pretty much fixed everything.

i got what i wanted: the call, a nice long talk, and reassurance about everything that i had been worrying about.

not only did he love the letter and the email i'd sent, he said it made him feel so much better. and then professed not once, but twice, that he has a huge crush on me. and i told him that it's not really a crush if it's mutual, but that i liked it anyway.

and then said aloud, 'smitten and enamored'. sweet, sweet boy. i asked him if he was trying to make me cry, and laughed. and he laughed and said no. it was pretty cute. something in his voice just gets me. and we don't talk for less than an hour, which feels very much like high school to me. we've had two and three hour conversations. and somehow we never run out of things to talk about after spending a day writing back and forth.

i feel pretty goddamn lucky to have wound up with him, as soon as it is in the game to say that.

and today, invited himself to stay over tomorrow, after he takes me to my first phils game of the season.

not only that, but double booked me this week, because last night, we talked about making some weekend plans that may or may not include a little jaunt to jersey to see a show together. two bands that we both really love, and an effort to recapture some college day youth.

and said that he really hated to leave on thursday, when he dropped me off, but had too much to do. and i told him i understood, and hated it, too. but that it can't all be amazing 24 and 48 hour hangouts.

so after that little conversation that fixed everything, i sat down and wrote myself a little letter. i tend to do that when i'm freaking out and want myself to stop. so i did. and it was a good letter, and i vowed to STOP the crazy, and just be happy to BE.

to let go of my insecurities. to trust him. and to get over my negative thinking.

i hope it sticks. because all that worrying for no good reason was such a waste. and all that being sad when there was no reason to be was stupid as well.

friday and today were actually a struggle at work. quinn is being a royal fucking pain in my ass, and i only wish she'd give me a reason to fire her.

but i'm doing my best to crowd her out of her store, by picking her new employees for her. strong women who will not put up with her power monger bullshit. the next couple months should effectively squeeze her out. one can only hope...

and tonight was fun, to make up for the bullshit i put up with today.

i had a couple beers out with mike, which were wickedly overpriced, and a seriously amazing burger and fries that cost as much as one beer. it was fun, counseling him on asking for a raise, and his job search. aubree and kit were supposed to join, but neither could make it, so it ended up just being the two of us.

and my friend ben has been living in liberia since october and just got back to the states today for a week long vacation, so i met up with him and made friends with a girl named jen that knows a lot of people i know through ever, and who i had fun talking to most of the time i was there.

and rode the city bus home, a little tipsy. and then greg called as i started writing this, to plan out tomorrow night.

i feel worlds better today. he sent me a spicy little email at work today, intentionally throwing a curve ball into my morning, which i loved. and which also made me cry for a minute. which is fine - i made it a whole week without bursting into tears at his words. i'll aim for another. and i wrote him back, matching, and felt pretty satisfied when i hit 'send'.

i really can't wait for tomorrow.

a shit time at work will be sandwiched between my shrink appointment in the morning, which will hopefully help me exponentially and put my mind at ease for a while. and then a meeting with quinn after fixing the problem she created, which i'm making her sit in on, so she can see for herself that she was both wrong and misinformed. and then leave from dealing with that to have a super fun night with greg, who's coming over from work to hang out for a while before going to the game.

awesome morning. stupid afternoon. amazing night. weeknight slumber party number one... too excited now to sleep.

No comments:

Post a Comment