yeah. i can't sleep.

i drank coffee until 1 today. and tonight, i ate chocolate. and popcorn. at 9. and now i'm wide awake.

first, i watched fringe. then i started an episode of the universe, turned off the screen, and tried to sleep.

then i started crying, but i don't know why. i wasn't sad at all. i wasn't thinking about anything sad. i couldn't get comfortable. and my pillow was warm.

i think it was triggered by thinking about sleeping in my old bedroom in the house. because i've been thinking about how confusing it's going to be to wake up there again. some things about today made me think that i just left. and some things felt very foreign.

then i think it was a thought...

'i wish someone was here to curl up with.'

then there was a secondary thought...

'i think it's going to be harder than i think it is'.

because i left today with this false sense of everything's-going-to-be-okay.

and then i got up and went to the bathroom (why am i telling you this?). and got back into bed, wondering why i was crying earlier.

and i don't know why, but i started thinking about this boy that i like on dating site. he said that he likes crows in his profile. and the other day, national geographic posted a picture of so many crows that they darkened the sky, as in blocked out sunlight.

and when i saw it, i thought of that boy.

and so i turned my screen back on. and i re-read his profile. and i laughed out loud more than three times. and i logged in.

and i sent him a message.

that's right, friends. leave it to an overly tired, sore, weepy night to get this severe a response out of me.

what i love, is that you have to go to the person's page to message them. and when you click on the send message button, a message pops up. his said, 'replies selectively'.

thanks, dating site. because i wasn't already freaked out enough.

it's like it's saying, 'he's going to reject you! don't bother!'

whatever. fuck it. my message was cute. and if he doesn't respond, that is okay. i am all done with the crying for a while.

seriously? twice in a few days. it's getting to be a little overly dramatic, tea. knock it off. cut it out. wrap it up.


1 comment:

  1. it's not so much a false sense of 'everything's going to be okay' as it is a fake it till you make it mentality. two steps forward, one step back. and so proud of the cute message on dating site!