two bubble baths in three days. march 1st.

today was rough. i didn't cry, though, so that was a slight improvement. i came pretty close.

it seems that boys absolutely will have an effect on the day i have. maybe forever.

i let kit persuade me into riding the wave of messaging that cute boy. paired with the high i got from getting a message from him at 1 am, i was a little cocky, i suppose.

because when i wrote him back and said i'd like to grab a beer or brunch, maybe on sunday, i didn't hear back. he was online when i checked for messages this morning. so it's not that he didn't get it. i panicked and logged off.

that set the tone for my morning. work was long. and hard. and i kinda wish i could take that to a 'that's what she said' place. but i wish i could. i wish i had a boy to joke about.

i keep waiting for joey to come back. because i don't fear telling him i'd buy him beers and give him my number. the odds i'll actually be there when he passes through next are pretty slim. kim swears she'll take it back to high school and tell him to call me, tell him i think he's hot, and she knows he thinks i'm hot, too.

i'm not afraid to do my own dirty work. but if he takes a month to come back and i'm not there, i can use the assist.

i'm just beat. the house on sunday ruined me. i felt so great when i left, but my thighs are so sore that i can't bend down. taking stairs down kills. taking stairs up is a difficult task, but manageable.

i took another bubble bath tonight, and it helped.

with mood. with muscles.

kit and i went to favorite bar last night, and discussed how it is that i can broach the subject of divorce when i eventually go on a date.

i had said before that it would be a three dates subject. that i can talk about being in a relationship for ten years and being alone for one. that it communicates something about me. even if i'm not looking for the next relationship.

but i had to mull it over. because i do feel like damaged goods, even though i left. there's a stigma, no doubt.

because i thrive on honesty, and can't tell a lie to save my life, i hope i can pull it off.

today was stupid questions day at work, and we didn't have the patience for it. the radio sucked. and pandora signal sucked, so i didn't have music to save me.

some days are just like that. the stupid people converge, and it's a bitch. i had to go to the bank for the first time in a long time. it was a long walk and the second time i fought tears.

walking along, feeling sorry for myself. checking my dating account to see if he just had to think it over.

as if i'd sleep with my top pick. as if he'd go for me. or just have a beer to feel it out. so now i focus on my second pick. and find a way to preposition him.

the house has been a lot to deal with. last night i was too sore to mop. i'll do it tomorrow. after suck store, before i stare at a naked person and attempt to sketch.

and possibly collect rent?

add to the list of stuff i need to buy. that i don't have money for yet. because i paid the mortgage on time instead of waiting for rent.

it will be awesome to collect the $700 security deposit when i move out.

i need to call the movers i want to use tomorrow and set it up.

i need a week, two tops, to prepare for living at the house.

the anxiety portion of my day today started when the gas company said they were there to read the meter, and i was not.

then i realized it's the first. holy shit.

change of address will happen soon.

moving in will happen soon. but not today.

turns out ever WAS good at something... being home when service people show up, and letting them in.

ah, well.

hopefully he went in last night like he said he would, and put out the trash like he said he would.

because if he didn't, there will be hell to pay.

i'm sure i'll have time to write at work tomorrow. i felt like i had so much to say just a bit ago, and now that i'm not on the stoop smoking, i feel too tired to get into it. too drained to do anything other than watch silly shows that take my mind off things.

i'm glad i gave up nip/tuck. it was getting so overly dramatic, so unrealistic, that i could no longer support my viewing of it.

catching up on the office was awesome. and modern family. i guess tonight i will catch up on fringe. the trifecta of good television entertainment. via hulu. thanks, hulu.

the chocolate thin mint ice cream is probably where i'm going wrong tonight. because the beer i'm about to down will have to work harder against the caffeine. but i've been wanting it for a week now, and i just didn't have the will power to tell myself no again.

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