trumped. march 26th, proper.

i didn't sleep very well at all. i turned the computer off at 330. and i woke up at 8.

i fell asleep with my heart racing. i woke up with my heart racing.

one of my two days to sleep in, and i did more harm than good. it's pretty upsetting.


what sucks the most about getting that news late last night is that i actually had an amazing night before that. and after it, when i was pretending i didn't know. yesterday, before 5 pm was a pretty shitty day.

i slept in until 915, which happens on occasion on fridays, but things went seriously awry when i decided to shave and took an hour and a half in total to get ready. i left much later than i normally do.

problems started then. i was mad at myself. i had a coffee headache, because the forty hour week i worked before yesterday started early every day. when i don't drink coffee early enough, i wake up with a migraine. usually they are reserved for saturdays, but not yesterday.

i had forgotten the pound of coffee i'd paid for at work, so i didn't make any at home. and i didn't find a parking spot at a meter near work until 1130. forty five whole minutes circling blocks and looking for one space. it was awful.

by the time i walked to work it was about 1145. that's usually the time i am driving to the office. i slammed two 20 oz coffees in the 45 minutes i was there. but my headache didn't go away, and my motrin was in the car.

the girls and i made our plans for today, and i left to pee on my way to my car, knowing that two coffees would kill my bladder before i could get to my next stop.

i had intended to shop after i went to the office, because i was running so late. i raced to the car three minutes before my meter ticket expired. oh, i forgot the part where all the ticket kiosks on my side of the street were powered off, so once i parked, i walked my side of the street to find all were off, before crossing the street and making my way back. it was unreal. just to pay to park really far from work.


i got stuck on the bridge again. not once, but twice. there was an accident at the top of the bridge, and lane closures at the bottom. and by that time, which would normally have been five minutes into my drive, it was thirty and i had to pee so bad i thought i would cry.

then fifteen minutes later i was at the delaware state line, trying to talk myself down from a panic attack over needing a bathroom. i was stuck in a fifteen minute traffic jam at that point, less than a minute away from a toilet.

by the time i made it off the exit, i had to go so badly that i couldn't make it to the office, because it was going to be another ten minutes from there.

so i went to the liquor store. and peed. and i guess that i had to pee so badly that i couldn't pee - it's never happened to me before. i literally sat there for three minutes, feeling an insane urgency, and barely being able to go. i was convinced that, had i been in more pain, surely i was passing a kidney stone.

it was horrible.

while i was shopping, maybe ten minutes later, i already had to go again, so i did. then went to the cigarette store, then to the bank, then to the office. i got there at 230 instead of 1230. it was not good. despite all the coffee, i still had the coffee headache, i finally took some motrin and drank some water.

i hadn't eaten all day, and when i was in the car stuck in the third traffic jam, i was shaky and really feeling unwell, but also not hungry.

i did everything at the office super quickly, and was out of there in about an hour. i ate some jelly beans and m&m's. i really wanted mc donald's yesterday (i know, i know... just a hamburger happy meal for some strange reason), but i didn't pass one. i planned to get a kids meal when i went to walmart (i know, i know... i was honing my white trash skills yesterday), but they had a subway. unacceptable. i wanted fried junk food.

i was in and out relatively quickly. and i was grateful for that trip because i had been listening to that dog. in the car, and had the genius idea to put their pandora channel on. fucking amazing.

so i felt better after i left. then raced home to put the groceries away, and left to meet lauren out for drinks.

it was great, again. but drinking on an empty stomach plus maybe 8 jelly beans and 20 m&m's was not the smartest idea. it took one beer for my food to come out.

and i was very tipsy. had another beer, cleaned my plate, and smoked. had another half beer because i wasn't ready to say goodbye to lauren yet. then walked her to the bus, and went to kit's to ride to the house with her.

kit's had a rough couple of weeks, and my solution was to have a staycation. she moved into the guest room for the whole weekend. it was awesome.

so that night, i cleaned a little, vacuumed the first floor, went through ever's stuff and turned it from a whole room pile into a one box and two chair sized pile. it meant that i had to go through stuff and throw things away that i didn't think were important.

still no word from him.

the house looked so much better, just from the few hours of work. and while that was happening was when the ever using talk came up. i guess kit and i talked about it from midnight until about 230, and then i went to sleep. now i've gone full circle with that part of my weekend.