par for the course. technically may 8th.

just me and a blue moon. almost two am.

tonight i learned the difference between what is known as friday night and what is known as saturday morning.

the bakery was closed. they changed the hours. and friday midnight is not the same thing as saturday midnight.

and my sister's team came from the far flung suburbs just to go to this bakery.

and made it after an interstate exit adventure.

only to find out that it was closed.


before that, i did redeem myself as the cool local, taking them to my favorite indian buffet. all sixteen of us in one party.

and that was a hit. but then they took a wrong turn when i tried to let the taxi who wedged himself between our caravan pass.

and then i had to go in search of them, trying to lead them to the interstate.

it sucked. what should have been a straight shot became a wild goose chase, because they kept moving. and i kept telling them through my dad on the phone that they just needed to park and stay put and that i'd come to them. and they kept moving. and moving.

i love my parents. so much.

but my father is the most annoying passenger side driver in the world. he has something to say about my driving and the roads and the cars and the drivers. all the things that make him so angry and all of the ridiculous things people do the their cars that he'd like to shove up their asses. racist comments about this group's driving and that group's cars.

telling me when to brake.

i was in the car, driving them around for the majority of the day today. and he is relentless. and i think he's starting to lose his hearing in one ear, because he's saying 'huh?' a lot. and talking really loudly.

of all the things my father says, i have two favorite phrases. and if he'd mixed them in today, it would have helped. but he didn't use either.

one is, 'aww...horseshit.' (pronounced 'horse sheeit') and the other is, 'that really burns my ass' which is sometimes slightly modified as, 'that really chaps my ass'.

everything made him angry. nothing chapped his ass.

everything i did was wrong. and i could have gotten over, i could have parked closer to the curb, i could have ignored the parking attendant and parked so we didn't have to walk so far. mom was cold all day, so we rode around in the stuffy car with the windows up. it was SEVENTY.

all of this comes from a place of a spotty three hour nap. i would say that i didn't sleep at all last night, but i woke up when the alarm went off, so i must have fallen asleep at some point.

it was really rough.

also, i smoke when i drive. a lot. and my parents loathe smoking, i don't do it around them at all. and mom is asthmatic, so i never smoke in the car when they're around.

and being in the car all day, stuck in traffic was a recipe for disaster without smokes.

we were in the sun all day. it was nice, i wanted to get a little sunburn.

i wore this shirt i bought maybe four years ago, but never wore. i couldn't fit into it when i bought it. i was at my heaviest, and couldn't get it on over my head.

it's made out of a pillowcase. which sounds rediculous, but it's a spectacular shirt. and it is seventies cotton weighty goodness.

really really nice. ruffly trim and thick criss cross straps with an open back.

so i now have funny shaped sunburn patches. some triangles. trapezoids. and a pink nose.

mom told me a funny story today, from my terrible twos. she kept telling me to put on sunblock. and i kept telling her i don't believe in sunblock, that i wanted a little sun.

but once i got a little burned, i didn't want any more sun, and we were sitting out in the open, watching my sister's race.

and she said that i was stubborn from birth. and that i made her read a book called 'the strong willed child' when i was still an only child, before i was three.

and she would tell me to pick something up.

and i would say no.

and she would tell me again, 'pick it up'.

and i would refuse. and ball my tiny hands into fists. so that i could physically not pick up the thing she wanted me to.

and she would take my balled fists by the wrists, and use them to pick the something up.

and i was cracking up about it, i'd never heard that story before.

and i thanked my father. because that is his gene pool working its magic.

and when i was sunburnt and getting cranky from lack of sleep, mom kept telling me to put on the sunblock.

and i refused.

and without a word, she took my hands and pushed them towards the bottle of sunblock.

so today wasn't all bad. that made me laugh. because at first, i was like, 'what is she DOING?' and then i realized she was trying to make me pick up the sunblock.

but the rest of the day was one snag after another.

everything we were doing with aubree and her team was on the opposite side of the city from where i live.

we were on our way to dinner when aubree called and said that she wanted to have dinner with us. so we went to go get her.

and got pulled into the sixteen person dinner outing.

followed by the bakery disaster.

nothing was easy today. not a thing.

everything had its issues.

tomorrow is mother's day. we don't know what we're doing for mom yet. but we'll do something.

and supposedly, my brother is getting engaged this weekend. he's asking her, anyways.

and i don't want him to.

not because it's not right.

but because i don't want him to end up like me.

because aubree's team didn't qualify today, it means that tomorrow will be relatively simple. instead of watching a day full of races, there is only one to watch and it's early.

so we should have a pretty easy day tomorrow. except that it will start early.

all i want is to sleep.

all day would be nice.

but i cannot waste my short time with my family in bed alone.

at least tonight i made the air mattress. last night was a disaster.

i tried to cram myself onto the tiny couch. and there was no way. so i took the cushions off and moved to the floor. and fought to stay on them, like a life raft at sea all night, sleeplessly. fitfully.

i feel how i felt the night of going out with nate. i feel how i felt the next day. because that day i was up at six am, and in bed at 6 pm. today i was up at five am, and i'm in bed now at 218. at least i feel like i'll be asleep soon. i'm beyond wiped out. the sun soaks the life out of me every time. there's nothing as good as coming home from the beach or the lake tired. because sleep is great after.

i didn't accomplish anything here. i complained a lot. problem solved and troubleshooted none.

not productive.

but further, exhausting.


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