no surpises. october 20th.

all i have for today is the email from lawyer.

it said that ever called him and left a voicemail. saying that, when he took the trash out, he found parts of the marital settlement agreement in the trash, and could he please resend the agreement.


seriously? i am not the least bit surprised.


i wouldn't be surprised if he was drinking again.

i wouldn't be surprised if he lost it in the mess of the house.

i wouldn't be surprised if he was stoned.

i wouldn't be surprised if the dog peed on it.


in any case, parts of it allegedly ended up in the trash.

but everything he says is a lie.


if only i believed that he didn't intentionally throw it away.

or give the only copy to someone.


i used to think he was so smart. so innovative. he'd always be thinking eight steps ahead. he rarely acted on it, but he was always thinking of the big picture.

and, one thing i keep finding myself doing is trying to figure out what the fuck he is thinking.

and every time i think i have a clue, he does something to throw me off.

i don't know.


did he just come up short for the mortgage? is this his version of a divorce temper tantrum?

is asking for the papers his attempt to draw this out longer? if lawyer didn't send it certified, did the paralegal roommate tell him to 'lose' it? can he say that he needs more time, or is this set in stone like lawyer said?

this is what my brain has been doing for 48 hours now. i'm exhausted beyond words.

just from thinking. add to that mix three ten hour days, from the time i leave to the time i get home.


tomorrow is another long day. long day number four, to be exact. and it starts when my alarm goes off at 545 in the morning.


phils are up. i'm gonna be tired. hopefully it's gonna be worth it.