calming down. october 19th.

it took four beers and he phillies loss, but i'm a little bit calmer tonight.

the work stuff settled down, despite another insane day.


ever hasn't paid the mortgage. from what i saw online tonight, gmac starts foreclosure proceedings at 60 days past due. so i have a little time.

and the lawyer sent ever the letter. so there's that. asking for his thoughts on the agreement, and ending with the warning about the house.


believe me when i say this.

if he doesn't act fast, the house will be on the market by the time i go home. and ever can add homeless to his growing list of failures.

fuck him. he is not my problem.

and i still worry what will happen to the business. but, again. not my problem anymore.


it also felt good to delete friends of his and random others from facebook. people who don't bother to check in with me. and people who are generally jerks in real life.


i hope i can sleep again. i'm exhausted. this week already is taking a toll on me. but i am paid, so there's that.


i found two entire seasons of the universe to fall asleep to, or watch, depending on how i feel. last night, i fell asleep to the milky way episode. finally answering my question of where exactly our solar system is in the galaxy. good to know where (they actually had an arrow, like 'you are here'), even though my mind is completely blown by this new information.

it's funny to think you are a part of something so big, like our solar system. and to realize that it's just a tiny speck of dust, when looking at the bigger picture. it makes me feel small and insignificant. but i am in awe of it.

i'm happy to have something new to watch while waiting for my weekly episodes, which all unfortunately get posted on fridays.


aside from that, there's not much to say tonight.

i'm just depleted.

and tired.

and really hoping that ever realizes that sticking his head in the sand at this point is not going to get him anywhere that he wants to be.


will this ever end? will i ever be divorced? will i ever collect the money that will give me a fresh start, wherever it is that i want to do that?

i hope so. i really, really hope so.