letter from a lawyer, and to ever. dec 6th.

so. as previously mentioned, saturday night, i emailed my lawyer a list of six questions. today, i got the answers.

most of them, honestly, were better than i expected.

so below, i'm paraphrasing my email to the lawyer, and then his answers.



1. is the divorce contingent upon the marital settlement, or does the divorce get granted regardless of what happens when we go to court to settle the property matters?

if he won't sign the papers, then i have to wait for two years to get it without his signature. as a desperate measure, i can seek spousal support. i probably won't get it, but it might make him react faster and sign.


2. can you give me dates/timelines for each part of the process?


if he signed, it would take one to two months.

the expedited relief request will be in the mail in the next couple of days.


3. if i have to make the mortgage payment(s), am i able to move back into the home, or did i lose that ability because i left him and the house? and is there a way to have him removed from the house (like you would have someone evicted) for non-payment?


if i pay it, i can request exclusive property to the home and try to have him kicked out.

i can reenter anytime, because i still own the home. i can move back in if i want to.

if i were to threaten him, he can file this thing called a protection from abuse and he can have me blocked or removed from the home that way.


4. am i legally allowed to step inside the house at this point in time?

yes, but he recommends i warn him.


5. can i send a realtor in to see the house? basically, i have no idea what condition it is in, and what work will need to be done before it goes on the market, and if i could send her in to take pictures, i'd have a much better idea.

yep. again, with warning. i can do whatever i want.


6. is it a bad idea to contact him? we have until the 12th to pay the insurance before they cancel the policy. i closed the joint checking account yesterday, because he was using it and overdrawing it, but he isn't aware that i closed it. part of me wants to email and tell him these things, and ask if he is planning to pay the mortgage.


contact him via email for a paper trail. it might speed things along.




so this is what i'm sending to ever:


just wanted to let you know that the joint checking account is closed. you paid another bill from it, so i closed it on friday.


state farm is about to cancel the homeowners insurance policy because you haven't paid your portion of the bill.

your portion (the past due balance) is $210.16. if the payment is not made by the 12th, the house will not be insured by state farm any longer. at that point, gmac would have to cover it by default, and the rate will be 2-3 times what it is with state farm.

please use the log in you were using for the first six months and pay the bill in the next few days to keep that from happening.


gmac has been in touch with me because you are over 30 days delinquent on the mortgage. i don't know if you realize that, at 60 days delinquent, the bank forecloses on the house.


i'm not sure what is going on with you, but thought i would email you to let you know about the bank account, and the collections calls i've been receiving.


also, i asked jay to help me move the jazz & java stuff out of the basement, in case he mentions it to you. i'm going to try to get it out of there in the next couple weeks. if he can't help me, i'll be doing it myself. i'll do my best to give you a heads up before i show up as a courtesy, if that is what ends up happening.



so i should feel better. right? only i don't. i haven't sent it. but i wrote it. so i'm almost done with it.

because his reaction will probably take a few days, because that's what he likes to do. and then it could go one of a few ways. these are my best guesses:


mostly likely: absolutely nothing. no response. because he won't put things in writing.
or because he's not physically able (dead, braindead, etc. not very likely...)

also likely: a text back. yes i keep them.

which reminds me that i can get a pfa against him because he threatened that restraining order a while back.


next set of possibilities:

a. fuck you. (can be combined with other possibilities)

b. i'm not going to pay the bills. because you left me. (totally expect this)

c. everyone moved out and i have no money. (he'd never admit this to me)

d. i'm paying everything tomorrow. (a girl can dream, right?)

e. if you want them paid, then you pay them. (this is what i'm expecting to have to do in the next few days whether he says it or not)



so here i sit. with the same fucked up feeling of wanting to get shitfaced and forget about it.


i read this blog for most of the day at suck store today. it's called six spruce. the woman is brilliant and mouthy and says fuck a lot, which wins in my book.

after reading a post that was my favorite, the one immediately after it almost made me cry. so blunt. so moving.


i'm going to bed. i still am not well. i'm still not anywhere near well. i'm coughing like crazy and can't breathe.

and tonight? no nyquil. i hope i sleep.