new year's resolutions, 21 days later. jan 23rd.

so these were my resolutions last year:

1. decide to decide.
2. be happy (happier).
3. take better care of myself.
4. write. daily - work on writing a book?
5. make art. stay in art classes.
6. learn an instrument.
7. learn photography, technically.
8. go dancing more often.
9. read two books a month.
10. make more time for my family (back home)

DONE: 1,2,8,10

KINDOF: 3

CLOSE BUT NOT QUITE: 4,5

STRONG START, WEAK FINISH: 9

NOT EVEN CLOSE: 6,7


accomplishing four of ten seems alright by my standards.

my leftover resolutions will be

1. learn an instrument
2. learn photography, technically

i don't even care about the instrument anymore. and i've done some reading on photography, but nothing that could be considered learning it.


my new resolutions will be

3. be divorced, technically
4. fix and sell the house
5. move home
6. go on a first date
7. take my fall road trip stargazing vacation
8. get a passport
9. go to canada
10. dark sky with kit in june
11. drink less
12. smoke less
13. cancel the gym or start going
14. read at least one book a month.
15. write another novel. finish the first one.
16. create more art. take an art class after i move. attend the one i'm in now.


i don't know how it took so long to create these. they're super obvious to me. and some of them are out of my control, but they're still my resolutions. here's to hoping for resolve.


as soon as i recover from the house disaster, financially, i am going to have to get a passport. because i should really go to canada in the spring, from phila, with kit before i leave, and getting a passport takes time.

and i guess that i should be thinking of what i will do if i either hold onto the house for the three years of the tax credit to avoid paying it back and rent it out, or if i do sell it earlier and pay it back.i should be thinking about what will happen if i don't sell it. or what my new plan will be, if i happen to get stuck here beyond the beginning of summer, when i had hoped to leave.

i should be imagining myself living in the house alone. just in case that is my future.

i should be imagining myself living in the house with other people, in case that is my future.

i should statements are something that my shrink warned me about. i shouldn't be making i should statements.

but i have learned that thinking about things and imagining them helps plan for the future. it makes it easier, because honestly, it forces me to think about things that are stressful, and induces some of that stress, so that when i get to the situation itself, it's slightly less stressful, because the element of surprise and shock has been taken out of it. because i've already dealt with some of the stress.

someone else might say i just worry a lot. but i think that imagining helps. immersion style.

plus, i need to be able to see past the situation itself, with the house, and think about different ways to solve any problems that might come up.

now. if i could just get myself out of bed. and do something with the rest of my day.

i want to bake. but i just don't feel like actually doing it... i want to smoke. but it's 20 feels like 9 outside, and i don't know if i'm ready to feel that just yet.