all of my hair is going to fall out.
if my shower drain is any indication, i'm well on my way.
i read that if my part doesn't widen, i shouldn't worry.
but i still do. every morning when i shower.
it's awful.
i'm worried that soon there will be nothing left.
so i emailed kenna tonight. i wanted her to know where i am mentally, because i just don't have the ability to make things look better than they are anymore.
i'm tired. i can't get enough rest to not be.
i start out tired.
i woke up at 630. got out of bed at like 830.
i think i am in a depressed state. i've been this way for a while.
i had a moment of excitedness last night.
i checked my email after midnight and had the hardest time falling asleep because we got our confirmation for dark sky.
i honestly laughed and cried at the same time for a second when i read it.
i need this trip so badly.
i was sincerely bummed when i gave up hope on getting in.
now that i have it back, i have something to look forward to.
i know for a fact that when i'm there, none of this will matter. at least for two and a half days.
we'll come home exhausted. but enlightened and inspired.
kit needs it more than i do.
but i need the healthy escape.
because the little walks to the bar every night are starting to blur together and saying that i don't want to do it doesn't make it any less likely to happen.
i see the shrink in the am. i'm glad. but i also think i'm going to cry. and that doesn't make me look forward to going.
it's funny. i'm excited to talk about chalk weekend. because it was a success and because i did it and because i didn't go to old habits, and because i am glad i did it. because it feels good to do something different.
and be completely honest in my analysis of it.
with my psychoanalyst.
then work.
next week is going to be a nightmare. and there's no getting around it. but at least cat can put up a sign about closing the sucky store. because i cannot see a way to not do it right now.
it will be better.
i will get over it.
i just hate feeling like i'm not doing my job well, and i am killing myself in some ways, but not having any success with advancing.
manager posted something on her fb yesterday. a quote from the dalai lama about people putting their own interests above others creating a hard time for themselves.
it was very poetic. and maybe it is just me, but i felt like that was aimed at me.
and what's funny is that it is her own selfishness that cost her the job title.
i almost liked it. but didn't want to be so brazen.
sleep is my friend.
up at 7.
i'll have a lot to write tomorrow.
i'm glad that i'm more than halfway to a weekend. it's going to be nice to be alone and quiet and relaxing again.
so last night i found a ticket home for christmas.
$100 each way.
december 20 to january 4.
i want to do it.
eight days without pay.
i have to save up now for it.
and i have to buy it tomorrow if i want the sale price. if it's still available.
i hesitate, on the heels of what i just said about the job i'm doing right now.
i need to smarten up with my money.
i need to save, not spend.
i need to go back on something that resembles a diet so i stop eating fried food at bars every night and start cooking again.
if i ever feel better.
seems like i hit this point about once a month.
maybe it's blood loss.
maybe it's the beer.
maybe i'm just always going to feel like this.
it means that next week would traditionally be an awesome week.
guess that will have to wait until september when things level out a little.
it will be okay.
everything will be okay.
my new old as dirt mantra.
it will all be okay.
in a parallel universe... august 17th.
so i woke up today. on the dot.
turns out all that food and moodiness and bitchiness and sensitivity and headaches were for the reason i thought, just a week earlier than it was last month.
a relief. but also an unpleasant surprise.
it explains everything from this weekend. EVERYTHING.
so i left something out the other night when i wrote. not on purpose. i just didn't think of it while i was writing, since.
when i went to that dinner party with kit, the apartment the party was in... it's just incredible.
it was my third or fourth time there. i think fourth.
the couple who lives there is cool. i wrote about them before, because right when i left ever i went there, and they had a brand new baby and it made me nearly cry.
in any case, they bought a house and are moving very soon. so they were throwing their last dinner party there before the move.
and were asking every person who came in if they needed a place to live.
because they're trying to help the landlord out by getting a quality person in the place.
let me describe this apartment.
first of all, it's in a very posh neighborhood. i'd say up-and-coming, but it's already there.
first floor is an art gallery storefront.
it's on the block with one of the best bars in the city, a bowling alley, and a couple blocks from EVERYTHING in that section of town.
it's prime real estate, put lightly.
up the stairs to the second floor, the front door. you come in, and either go right to the bedrooms or left to the living room.
it's just gorgeous. exposed brick everywhere. spiral ductwork (industrial air conditioning ductwork that is exposed). wood floors.
huge open living room. with a balcony off of it, overlooking main street in the neighborhood.
gourmet kitchen.
maybe it's being stuck with such a shitty kitchen that makes this kitchen my dream kitchen.
dishwasher. awesome range. a bar that faces into the open kitchen.
then down a skinny hall to two rooms i haven't seen. a big bedroom and a tiny second room that they use as a nursery.
honestly, the same is the case for the bathroom. it was just redone. completely tiled out. it's kinda smaller, but has a washer and a dryer in it. and a big awesome tub.
so this is the thing:
for the same amount of money i pay right now, i could be sharing this space with someone. if i could share space with someone. if i could live in that neighborhood, it's on the opposite side of the city. really far from my work, as far as biking goes.
it's like i need a rich boyfriend who can swing it. it's perfect for a couple. it's really expensive, but not for what you get. it's literally double my rent, so i could not do it alone.
but fucking a.
i spent the whole night looking around.
if i could deal with a teeny bedroom and a roommate and moving and biking really far, i could live there.
quality of life.
wanting to be home all the time.
more access to this city's charms (bars/restaurants) than i have now, which is pretty hard to fathom.
stumbling distance to the club.
less than a block to the train.
and went out on the balcony to smoke. and almost finish everything is illuminated.
and just kept thinking about it.
and went home thinking about it.
and laid in bed thinking about it.
and two days later?
yeah. still thinking about it.
it's not an option.
i can't do it.
but it's just that feeling.
some day.
some day i'll love the place where i live and cook and sleep.
and i will live there and cook there and sleep there more.
i wonder if part of the amazingness of that apartment is just the people who live there and go to parties there.
their furniture is awesome, too, and it's not staying, so i can't really imagine it being empty.
maybe there will be pictures that i can post later.
it's really something.
in any case, tomorrow is delaware day. which means lots of driving and thinking and listening to music for me.
i both love and hate office days.
they give me a lot of fodder for bitching. but also a lot of time alone. and purchasing cheaper things like gas and cigarettes. and lottery tickets.
but i'm afraid of the time to think, in a way.
i can't seem to stop lately. and i don't like it.
it's been a lot of what if's.
and when if's.
i don't know what i want.
i don't know where i want it.
and all i feel is sadness right now, but there's no specific reason why.
fifty bucks i don't have says that i know by the end of my session on thursday at 830 with my shrink.
i'm interviewing another girl tomorrow.
taking it easy. because i worked way too hard today. and i think i found manager's replacement. which is a relief. she's not one of us. meaning, a punk in some way shape or form.
but she's good. or seems it.
tomorrow is her shift, we'll see how it goes.
turns out all that food and moodiness and bitchiness and sensitivity and headaches were for the reason i thought, just a week earlier than it was last month.
a relief. but also an unpleasant surprise.
it explains everything from this weekend. EVERYTHING.
so i left something out the other night when i wrote. not on purpose. i just didn't think of it while i was writing, since.
when i went to that dinner party with kit, the apartment the party was in... it's just incredible.
it was my third or fourth time there. i think fourth.
the couple who lives there is cool. i wrote about them before, because right when i left ever i went there, and they had a brand new baby and it made me nearly cry.
in any case, they bought a house and are moving very soon. so they were throwing their last dinner party there before the move.
and were asking every person who came in if they needed a place to live.
because they're trying to help the landlord out by getting a quality person in the place.
let me describe this apartment.
first of all, it's in a very posh neighborhood. i'd say up-and-coming, but it's already there.
first floor is an art gallery storefront.
it's on the block with one of the best bars in the city, a bowling alley, and a couple blocks from EVERYTHING in that section of town.
it's prime real estate, put lightly.
up the stairs to the second floor, the front door. you come in, and either go right to the bedrooms or left to the living room.
it's just gorgeous. exposed brick everywhere. spiral ductwork (industrial air conditioning ductwork that is exposed). wood floors.
huge open living room. with a balcony off of it, overlooking main street in the neighborhood.
gourmet kitchen.
maybe it's being stuck with such a shitty kitchen that makes this kitchen my dream kitchen.
dishwasher. awesome range. a bar that faces into the open kitchen.
then down a skinny hall to two rooms i haven't seen. a big bedroom and a tiny second room that they use as a nursery.
honestly, the same is the case for the bathroom. it was just redone. completely tiled out. it's kinda smaller, but has a washer and a dryer in it. and a big awesome tub.
so this is the thing:
for the same amount of money i pay right now, i could be sharing this space with someone. if i could share space with someone. if i could live in that neighborhood, it's on the opposite side of the city. really far from my work, as far as biking goes.
it's like i need a rich boyfriend who can swing it. it's perfect for a couple. it's really expensive, but not for what you get. it's literally double my rent, so i could not do it alone.
but fucking a.
i spent the whole night looking around.
if i could deal with a teeny bedroom and a roommate and moving and biking really far, i could live there.
quality of life.
wanting to be home all the time.
more access to this city's charms (bars/restaurants) than i have now, which is pretty hard to fathom.
stumbling distance to the club.
less than a block to the train.
and went out on the balcony to smoke. and almost finish everything is illuminated.
and just kept thinking about it.
and went home thinking about it.
and laid in bed thinking about it.
and two days later?
yeah. still thinking about it.
it's not an option.
i can't do it.
but it's just that feeling.
some day.
some day i'll love the place where i live and cook and sleep.
and i will live there and cook there and sleep there more.
i wonder if part of the amazingness of that apartment is just the people who live there and go to parties there.
their furniture is awesome, too, and it's not staying, so i can't really imagine it being empty.
maybe there will be pictures that i can post later.
it's really something.
in any case, tomorrow is delaware day. which means lots of driving and thinking and listening to music for me.
i both love and hate office days.
they give me a lot of fodder for bitching. but also a lot of time alone. and purchasing cheaper things like gas and cigarettes. and lottery tickets.
but i'm afraid of the time to think, in a way.
i can't seem to stop lately. and i don't like it.
it's been a lot of what if's.
and when if's.
i don't know what i want.
i don't know where i want it.
and all i feel is sadness right now, but there's no specific reason why.
fifty bucks i don't have says that i know by the end of my session on thursday at 830 with my shrink.
i'm interviewing another girl tomorrow.
taking it easy. because i worked way too hard today. and i think i found manager's replacement. which is a relief. she's not one of us. meaning, a punk in some way shape or form.
but she's good. or seems it.
tomorrow is her shift, we'll see how it goes.
breaking point. august 16th.
so today, i snapped.
i knew it was coming. and i guess if you're ready for it, and prepared for it, it might not really be snapping.
but i reached the breaking point with manager. and i resolved to finish her today. and i did.
demoted. and somehow she still does not get any of it, despite the breakdown.
i don't know. she started with the multiple texts pretty early today. and i don't remember now what it was about. but i asked her if she got in touch with choice number three.
and she sent back multiple more, without saying.
so i asked again.
same thing, multiple, didn't say.
the third time i asked i was already pissed. and she said she was about to then.
and? when i went to demote her a few hours later, she hadn't gotten a call back.
so now we're on #4 pick.
i've set up a few new people for tomorrow. for me to deal with.
i don't know. she gets super upset when i mess with her pay rate.
and what's funny is that this was a trial run for the summer anyway, according to her.
so how she's shocked at this point, i don't know.
but she actually asked me, 'so you're going to manage the store and do the inventory and the schedule and the paperwork?'
to which i said yes.
and then later texted me, 'so you're going to manage it, but i'm still going to get paid the same?'
are you serious?
idiot.
i can't call her what she is enough to get it all out of my system.
i didn't know that one could be so so dumb.
and now i know, despite giving her another chance born out of my desperation, that she cannot ever do this job. not any way. not ever again.
all she wants is the money. not the responsibility.
and i am done with her.
the fallout will be interesting.
i'm pegging dan for turning in two week's notice. by the end of the week for added bonus. but i think he leaves in september.
and the manager, who is now the non manager? i bet she starts the process of trying to look for a job, and ultimately staying here forever. because she's too lazy to actually try to get a job.
i don't know. if she did, she'd surprise me.
so, fine. i give her until christmas to up and leave. but she tends to do that in the form of moving to nyc or california or florida.
but i'm calling it now.
and if only lauren hadn't been so eager to leave. she's have this in the bag.
but she's young. i envy her freedom. to bike to austin. just a super cool kid. more power to her.
other than all that work bullshit that is both boring and annoying to blog about, what a waste of space, there is not much else today.
i talked to my mom tonight.
after taking a call from my dad last night at the dinner party.
things with grandparents are progressively suckier, so i felt worse instead of better. i've been avoiding them anyway, because i haven't been happy or positive, and it was a super bummer conversation.
can we just stop getting older now, please? because this kinda sucks.
i told nina earlier, when i have a bad day here, i just want to go home. and when i feel like i'm needed there, it pulls on me even harder.
i haven't talked to aubree in like two weeks, which is highly unusual. we just miss each other when one of us can talk.
but it's funny, too, because nate said something this weekend about moving home, and i told him that, right then, it didn't sound so good to me. and that all of kit's talk about moving to new york lately sounds much better.
i guess home sounded bad because i was thinking about how hard it was to find something to do here, and how much harder it would be to find something to do there.
it will be all about making the place where there is something to do there. i'll be making the place where people go to do something.
after the last years of feeling trapped, i don't know that it's wise or smart. that would be a huge commitment. and i don't know that this is the time in my life to be doing that. well, nine months from now.
some day i won't sway so much, so often.
i am assuming that this is p-pms stuff. not quite there yet, but on my way to it. and allowing undeserving emotions have their rule over me.
i see the shrink on thursday morning, early.
i don't know what to talk about. i'm sure i'll have more fodder for her by then.
new/old bad/recurring habits:
smoking more.
drinking more.
laying in bed more.
writing more and reading more.
(which aren't bad, but it means that i'm laying and sitting more.)
eating when i'm not hungry.
living on carbs. again.
baking and eating dessert. all the time.
changing soon. something's gotta give.
all my new vacation clothes are getting tighter now, and that is not acceptable.
after this pms for real is over, it's time to partner up with st atkins yet again.
i cannot believe the will power i have when i'm on it, and the will power i abandon when i'm not.
sigh.
back to the ice cream, brownies, popcorn, cigarettes, and pbr at hand.
i knew it was coming. and i guess if you're ready for it, and prepared for it, it might not really be snapping.
but i reached the breaking point with manager. and i resolved to finish her today. and i did.
demoted. and somehow she still does not get any of it, despite the breakdown.
i don't know. she started with the multiple texts pretty early today. and i don't remember now what it was about. but i asked her if she got in touch with choice number three.
and she sent back multiple more, without saying.
so i asked again.
same thing, multiple, didn't say.
the third time i asked i was already pissed. and she said she was about to then.
and? when i went to demote her a few hours later, she hadn't gotten a call back.
so now we're on #4 pick.
i've set up a few new people for tomorrow. for me to deal with.
i don't know. she gets super upset when i mess with her pay rate.
and what's funny is that this was a trial run for the summer anyway, according to her.
so how she's shocked at this point, i don't know.
but she actually asked me, 'so you're going to manage the store and do the inventory and the schedule and the paperwork?'
to which i said yes.
and then later texted me, 'so you're going to manage it, but i'm still going to get paid the same?'
are you serious?
idiot.
i can't call her what she is enough to get it all out of my system.
i didn't know that one could be so so dumb.
and now i know, despite giving her another chance born out of my desperation, that she cannot ever do this job. not any way. not ever again.
all she wants is the money. not the responsibility.
and i am done with her.
the fallout will be interesting.
i'm pegging dan for turning in two week's notice. by the end of the week for added bonus. but i think he leaves in september.
and the manager, who is now the non manager? i bet she starts the process of trying to look for a job, and ultimately staying here forever. because she's too lazy to actually try to get a job.
i don't know. if she did, she'd surprise me.
so, fine. i give her until christmas to up and leave. but she tends to do that in the form of moving to nyc or california or florida.
but i'm calling it now.
and if only lauren hadn't been so eager to leave. she's have this in the bag.
but she's young. i envy her freedom. to bike to austin. just a super cool kid. more power to her.
other than all that work bullshit that is both boring and annoying to blog about, what a waste of space, there is not much else today.
i talked to my mom tonight.
after taking a call from my dad last night at the dinner party.
things with grandparents are progressively suckier, so i felt worse instead of better. i've been avoiding them anyway, because i haven't been happy or positive, and it was a super bummer conversation.
can we just stop getting older now, please? because this kinda sucks.
i told nina earlier, when i have a bad day here, i just want to go home. and when i feel like i'm needed there, it pulls on me even harder.
i haven't talked to aubree in like two weeks, which is highly unusual. we just miss each other when one of us can talk.
but it's funny, too, because nate said something this weekend about moving home, and i told him that, right then, it didn't sound so good to me. and that all of kit's talk about moving to new york lately sounds much better.
i guess home sounded bad because i was thinking about how hard it was to find something to do here, and how much harder it would be to find something to do there.
it will be all about making the place where there is something to do there. i'll be making the place where people go to do something.
after the last years of feeling trapped, i don't know that it's wise or smart. that would be a huge commitment. and i don't know that this is the time in my life to be doing that. well, nine months from now.
some day i won't sway so much, so often.
i am assuming that this is p-pms stuff. not quite there yet, but on my way to it. and allowing undeserving emotions have their rule over me.
i see the shrink on thursday morning, early.
i don't know what to talk about. i'm sure i'll have more fodder for her by then.
new/old bad/recurring habits:
smoking more.
drinking more.
laying in bed more.
writing more and reading more.
(which aren't bad, but it means that i'm laying and sitting more.)
eating when i'm not hungry.
living on carbs. again.
baking and eating dessert. all the time.
changing soon. something's gotta give.
all my new vacation clothes are getting tighter now, and that is not acceptable.
after this pms for real is over, it's time to partner up with st atkins yet again.
i cannot believe the will power i have when i'm on it, and the will power i abandon when i'm not.
sigh.
back to the ice cream, brownies, popcorn, cigarettes, and pbr at hand.
strained and drained.
it's sunday.
i am not ready for the upcoming week.
i am not relaxed enough to start into a monday mentally prepared.
i didn't even manage to forget about ever over the weekend.
there was too much going on with too many references.
what was good was seeing a group of people who were mutual friends.
even though i didn't really feel like going, and completely feared awkwardness there, i took nate and kit with me, just in case. it was near the club, so it was mostly on the way.
but it was great. from what i could tell, everyone was genuinely happy to see me. they avoided the awkward questions.
and i didn't pry for info that i knew they'd have that i'm no longer privy to.
but it was fun. not awkward at all. and my biggest fear was that ever would show up. but i was nearly certain he wouldn't or else i wouldn't have gone.
and i was right.
and i ducked out of there so that i didn't have to see max, the one who quit without notice a couple weeks ago. another mutual friend of the birthday boy.
but it was good. it was nice to see all of them on my terms. and it felt good to do something with them, so they know that i'm not evil or bitter or any of the other things that ever has probably said to them since i'm not there to defend myself.
they all asked me how i was doing, and my smile spoke volumes, but telling them that i'm happy and great probably pushed it over the edge.
i was also relieved to not get the feeling that they thought any less of me for being so happy.
i guess that was another latent fear.
like, if they see ever all fucked up all the time, and then see me so happy, that they'd almost think i was some unfeeling bitch.
but i guess because i own my happiness, and because it shows me that i didn't make a mistake in leaving, maybe they'll see the difference in me. and maybe they will come to the conclusion that i was really tired and unhappy with ever. and maybe, somehow, someday, they'll understand that just because you see two people together, you don't see the threads that make up the fabric of their marriage. or that it's falling apart. or that the threads were polyester, not silk. or that the edges are all frayed and starting to unravel.
or that, in my case, the fabric has been so worn that it's not even really defined as fabric anymore.
i don't know. i hope that they can see all of that. that i'm still the sweet and accommodating person that i always was, just less a husband that was a dick.
and maybe now, after seeing me, they'll think a little more about why i can't see them in the places that i used to, because i'm not 'allowed'.
nate lit into me a couple times about ever. he unfriended him on facebook. and suggested that i get a restraining order against him.
suggested isn't the right word. he yelled at me because i told him i don't want to. and at one point, after a few beers, he said that someday if they find me with a slit neck or something, that at least they'd know where to start if i had a restraining order.
a bit dramatic, yes. but do you really think that i haven't thought it at least once? or that i'm less than certain that i should get one? because i'm sure i should. i just don't want it to effect the agreement and bargaining.
once the agreement is settled, i will get one.
and thank him for giving me the idea.
because i do wonder if he came by when i was with chalk. what are the chances of that timing?
i don't know. but the party was the right thing to do. and i got to see four people that i hadn't seen in six and eight months.
and somehow all seven of us avoided talking about ever. it was awesome.
so i'm happy. i'm glad to re-establish friendships with all of them. especially after knowing that ever had fed me the lie about two of them being the people who instigated trouble via facebook. because i know that he just put it off on them. and after seeing them and interacting with them, i am more certain of that than before.
and i said more than once to be in touch. invite me to things and i'll do the same. because i'm much less of a flake now that i was when i was with him. he never felt like doing anything in those days. and even though now he's mr social butterfly, i'm sure that they can deduce the changes that have made me the person i was before i met any of them.
everything else was mostly covered in the post that spanned a few days.
and now, monday.
what can i say about monday?
i have a lot to do this week. i need to make a list, but the thought of making a work list right now makes me want to vomit. so i won't.
but i've gotten behind again, despite having too little to do during the day. everything requires me being somewhere in person, and i didn't have that luxury this past week. maybe this week. it should be a relatively easy one, actually. not having to be stuck somewhere for eight hours will allow for some panini experiments, and a trip to delaware.
kenna's vacation must be coming to an end soon, so hopefully she'll be back in touch, too.
i don't know. there are a lot of little annoying errands to run as well, so this should be a week of catching up and feeling better.
and making some big changes with my employees as well. the ones that need an attitude adjustment, anyways.
now, a dinner party with kit. with a group of people who are smarter than me, but nice, and a lot of fun.
then, rest.
and, unfortunately, then, work.
i am not ready for the upcoming week.
i am not relaxed enough to start into a monday mentally prepared.
i didn't even manage to forget about ever over the weekend.
there was too much going on with too many references.
what was good was seeing a group of people who were mutual friends.
even though i didn't really feel like going, and completely feared awkwardness there, i took nate and kit with me, just in case. it was near the club, so it was mostly on the way.
but it was great. from what i could tell, everyone was genuinely happy to see me. they avoided the awkward questions.
and i didn't pry for info that i knew they'd have that i'm no longer privy to.
but it was fun. not awkward at all. and my biggest fear was that ever would show up. but i was nearly certain he wouldn't or else i wouldn't have gone.
and i was right.
and i ducked out of there so that i didn't have to see max, the one who quit without notice a couple weeks ago. another mutual friend of the birthday boy.
but it was good. it was nice to see all of them on my terms. and it felt good to do something with them, so they know that i'm not evil or bitter or any of the other things that ever has probably said to them since i'm not there to defend myself.
they all asked me how i was doing, and my smile spoke volumes, but telling them that i'm happy and great probably pushed it over the edge.
i was also relieved to not get the feeling that they thought any less of me for being so happy.
i guess that was another latent fear.
like, if they see ever all fucked up all the time, and then see me so happy, that they'd almost think i was some unfeeling bitch.
but i guess because i own my happiness, and because it shows me that i didn't make a mistake in leaving, maybe they'll see the difference in me. and maybe they will come to the conclusion that i was really tired and unhappy with ever. and maybe, somehow, someday, they'll understand that just because you see two people together, you don't see the threads that make up the fabric of their marriage. or that it's falling apart. or that the threads were polyester, not silk. or that the edges are all frayed and starting to unravel.
or that, in my case, the fabric has been so worn that it's not even really defined as fabric anymore.
i don't know. i hope that they can see all of that. that i'm still the sweet and accommodating person that i always was, just less a husband that was a dick.
and maybe now, after seeing me, they'll think a little more about why i can't see them in the places that i used to, because i'm not 'allowed'.
nate lit into me a couple times about ever. he unfriended him on facebook. and suggested that i get a restraining order against him.
suggested isn't the right word. he yelled at me because i told him i don't want to. and at one point, after a few beers, he said that someday if they find me with a slit neck or something, that at least they'd know where to start if i had a restraining order.
a bit dramatic, yes. but do you really think that i haven't thought it at least once? or that i'm less than certain that i should get one? because i'm sure i should. i just don't want it to effect the agreement and bargaining.
once the agreement is settled, i will get one.
and thank him for giving me the idea.
because i do wonder if he came by when i was with chalk. what are the chances of that timing?
i don't know. but the party was the right thing to do. and i got to see four people that i hadn't seen in six and eight months.
and somehow all seven of us avoided talking about ever. it was awesome.
so i'm happy. i'm glad to re-establish friendships with all of them. especially after knowing that ever had fed me the lie about two of them being the people who instigated trouble via facebook. because i know that he just put it off on them. and after seeing them and interacting with them, i am more certain of that than before.
and i said more than once to be in touch. invite me to things and i'll do the same. because i'm much less of a flake now that i was when i was with him. he never felt like doing anything in those days. and even though now he's mr social butterfly, i'm sure that they can deduce the changes that have made me the person i was before i met any of them.
everything else was mostly covered in the post that spanned a few days.
and now, monday.
what can i say about monday?
i have a lot to do this week. i need to make a list, but the thought of making a work list right now makes me want to vomit. so i won't.
but i've gotten behind again, despite having too little to do during the day. everything requires me being somewhere in person, and i didn't have that luxury this past week. maybe this week. it should be a relatively easy one, actually. not having to be stuck somewhere for eight hours will allow for some panini experiments, and a trip to delaware.
kenna's vacation must be coming to an end soon, so hopefully she'll be back in touch, too.
i don't know. there are a lot of little annoying errands to run as well, so this should be a week of catching up and feeling better.
and making some big changes with my employees as well. the ones that need an attitude adjustment, anyways.
now, a dinner party with kit. with a group of people who are smarter than me, but nice, and a lot of fun.
then, rest.
and, unfortunately, then, work.
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