breaking point. august 16th.

so today, i snapped.

i knew it was coming. and i guess if you're ready for it, and prepared for it, it might not really be snapping.

but i reached the breaking point with manager. and i resolved to finish her today. and i did.

demoted. and somehow she still does not get any of it, despite the breakdown.


i don't know. she started with the multiple texts pretty early today. and i don't remember now what it was about. but i asked her if she got in touch with choice number three.

and she sent back multiple more, without saying.

so i asked again.

same thing, multiple, didn't say.

the third time i asked i was already pissed. and she said she was about to then.

and? when i went to demote her a few hours later, she hadn't gotten a call back.


so now we're on #4 pick.

i've set up a few new people for tomorrow. for me to deal with.


i don't know. she gets super upset when i mess with her pay rate.

and what's funny is that this was a trial run for the summer anyway, according to her.

so how she's shocked at this point, i don't know.

but she actually asked me, 'so you're going to manage the store and do the inventory and the schedule and the paperwork?'

to which i said yes.

and then later texted me, 'so you're going to manage it, but i'm still going to get paid the same?'

are you serious?

idiot.

i can't call her what she is enough to get it all out of my system.

i didn't know that one could be so so dumb.

and now i know, despite giving her another chance born out of my desperation, that she cannot ever do this job. not any way. not ever again.

all she wants is the money. not the responsibility.

and i am done with her.


the fallout will be interesting.

i'm pegging dan for turning in two week's notice. by the end of the week for added bonus. but i think he leaves in september.

and the manager, who is now the non manager? i bet she starts the process of trying to look for a job, and ultimately staying here forever. because she's too lazy to actually try to get a job.

i don't know. if she did, she'd surprise me.

so, fine. i give her until christmas to up and leave. but she tends to do that in the form of moving to nyc or california or florida.

but i'm calling it now.


and if only lauren hadn't been so eager to leave. she's have this in the bag.

but she's young. i envy her freedom. to bike to austin. just a super cool kid. more power to her.


other than all that work bullshit that is both boring and annoying to blog about, what a waste of space, there is not much else today.

i talked to my mom tonight.

after taking a call from my dad last night at the dinner party.

things with grandparents are progressively suckier, so i felt worse instead of better. i've been avoiding them anyway, because i haven't been happy or positive, and it was a super bummer conversation.

can we just stop getting older now, please? because this kinda sucks.


i told nina earlier, when i have a bad day here, i just want to go home. and when i feel like i'm needed there, it pulls on me even harder.


i haven't talked to aubree in like two weeks, which is highly unusual. we just miss each other when one of us can talk.


but it's funny, too, because nate said something this weekend about moving home, and i told him that, right then, it didn't sound so good to me. and that all of kit's talk about moving to new york lately sounds much better.

i guess home sounded bad because i was thinking about how hard it was to find something to do here, and how much harder it would be to find something to do there.

it will be all about making the place where there is something to do there. i'll be making the place where people go to do something.


after the last years of feeling trapped, i don't know that it's wise or smart. that would be a huge commitment. and i don't know that this is the time in my life to be doing that. well, nine months from now.

some day i won't sway so much, so often.

i am assuming that this is p-pms stuff. not quite there yet, but on my way to it. and allowing undeserving emotions have their rule over me.


i see the shrink on thursday morning, early.

i don't know what to talk about. i'm sure i'll have more fodder for her by then.


new/old bad/recurring habits:


smoking more.

drinking more.

laying in bed more.

writing more and reading more.

(which aren't bad, but it means that i'm laying and sitting more.)

eating when i'm not hungry.

living on carbs. again.

baking and eating dessert. all the time.


changing soon. something's gotta give.

all my new vacation clothes are getting tighter now, and that is not acceptable.

after this pms for real is over, it's time to partner up with st atkins yet again.


i cannot believe the will power i have when i'm on it, and the will power i abandon when i'm not.

sigh.


back to the ice cream, brownies, popcorn, cigarettes, and pbr at hand.