brownies. june 27th.

today was fantastic.

today reminded me that when friends are your friends for life, and real friends, the true ones, despite fallouts and 'breakups', will be there when you find yourself back in front of them again, no matter how much time has passed.

and they'll pick up where they left off.


i'm not going to lie. i was nervous.

i knew that it was part one of closure fest. i hoped that she would be as happy to see me and talk as i was to see her and talk.

but i knew that i wanted to apologize and say things that i'd been wanting to say for years.

and just listen and talk.


my only regret is that i didn't let her talk more. she kept asking me questions, so i kept talking and telling her stories.

but she came to see my family first, and said hi before we left together.

and it felt like any other weekend from back in the days of our endless times together. she picked me up and took me to lunch, and we laughed.

we laughed until we cried. wiping happy tears from eyes.


it was so great.

after my first martini (blueberry - it was AMAZING), we were about an hour in. over the next three hours, we had two more drinks.

there's also something pretty awesome about having lunch out and drinks.


i came home from that, said goodbye. i told her that i love her and that i'm sorry for everything, and that i want to see her again before i go back.


i hate that i let ever come between us. i just didn't want to see her in a bad relationship, and she apologized for not being more patient with me, but that it was too hard for her to watch me cry everytime ever was having a bad day, and that i pushed her further and further away from me.

i admit it. i know it. and i am sorry for it.

i'm glad that she has enough love in her heart to forgive me, and that i'm not too proud to tell her that i was wrong.


i came home so happy. closure task one wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. it wasn't awkward at all. everything was natural. and it was fun.

and it was one more instance where i felt like i was doing the right thing. that i'm on the right path with my life. that i'm happy and healthy.

and that i'm lucky to have awesome friends.


and that, i have TWO WEEKS OF THIS. it's unbelievable.

and i am succeeding at not wishing away the days until scrabble night. because what is happening before that i don't want to miss.


but i'd also be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about trying to think of a way to get coffee into my pool at three am on what will be wednesday morning. 'wanna go swimming? no one will be awake. i promise you'll be glad you did.'

and the way i imagine it, we'd float on our backs, staring at the stars and the nearly full moon, holding hands. just floating and being.


there are so many happy endings i can imagine. i will take anything i can get.

it's such a psych out that everything so far has been so perfect, it seems that if things with him get off track, it would be the most unnatural thing.