future tea. november 27th (technically).

DEAR FUTURE TEA:

are you happy? are you still sad? are you still lonely? are you still unsatisfied? are you still unkissed? are you still wanting to be alone? are you still up at night, dreaming and writing about the same fucking place in your head you dwell in? and are you still up at night, late, just before fall reminiscing?



one year later. it's hard to believe.


i am not happy. especially not tonight.

but i am happier. so that's something.

i am still sad. i think i will always be sad about something.

i'm lonelier than i've ever been.

but i'm trying to deal with that in a healthy way. and healthy right now is watching like ten hours of netflix a day.

i am unsatisfied. but at least it's not because of ever anymore. now it's just with my life and the decisions that i make. and being aware of it can only help.

i've now been kissed, but it's been months. and i'm dying. DYING. to be kissed again.

it's safe to say that i have been alone, and i'm actually okay with not being alone anymore. i no longer feel the need to be alone until valentine's day.

saying as it's 122 am, i am still up at night writing. and though i've cycled through a few boys, it is mostly about the same place and the same boy.

and i will always reminisce. but now i'm not doing it with the aid of my old journals.