it was an intense weekend.
everything smells like paint. i have a headache. and i feel like i can taste it in my throat.
among other things, i am just about done with battlestar galactica. i watched the first half of the last season in a few days. pretty gross. and somehow pretty awesome.
it will be interesting to see if the spinoff is any good. i will take a break from this for a while though.
i've been overdosing on netflix. seriously. pee-wee's big adventure, one and a half seasons of battlestar, brick, wall-e, cloudy with a chance of meatballs... it's just crazy.
today i feel mostly hungover. i was supposed to have brunch with alice and felt too gross when i woke up.
what's funny is that i drank more water than i ever do, and only had three beers last night. i was totally fine to drive home, i even ate food late. still feel shitty.
i got a camera today. a 35mm from the 70's era of cameras, telephoto lens and filters and all. hopefully it wasn't a waste of money. i know it works, it's about using it. i am really going to have to get into fleisher's photography class. so i can learn how to use it.
i just want to create.
i talked to lauren about it last night when we went on a failed expedition to dance.
i have one place i like to go. every time i've gone, it's been insanely fun. but this girl, who i actually knew from the bbq, was friends with the dj and he let her play music for a while. and it SUCKED ASS. we had two beers there, and left. so disappointing, i can't even explain it well. i think we danced to maybe three songs.
i just had all this dancing energy saved up for months now, since summer. and i went. after waiting all day. and it was a total letdown. not to mention, there were maybe 15 guys and like 200 girls. so whatever. the pickings were slim. and none of them were cute. not even close.
so we went to another place i had heard was good, but had never gone to. and it was even worse.
so we left there without even having a drink.
and went to a good bar in the neighborhood. and had a beer. and i walked lauren almost home, and back to the car.
i got home around 2, was up until at least 330.
in talking to kit this week, i told her that i feel like i'm just killing time, waiting for something good to happen to me. waiting for something exciting.
and i put myself out there, and leave my comfort zone in an effort to achieve it. and i get nothing in return for my efforts, romantically speaking.
it's depressing, beyond already feeling depressed anyway.
it's good to hange out with friends, and make new ones, but...
luckily, i did manage to paint half of my apartment this weekend. the bathroom, the hall, and the kitchen.
it feels good to be productive. off my ass, out of bed.
but other than that, i don't have much to show for my weekend.
and i'm not even well rested, but i guess that my week was easy enough that it doesn't really matter to me so much.
on friday, i went to the bank. it turns out ever actually did something he said he would - he took me off the account, so i can't see the income and expenditures. i locked his account trying to sign into it with old passwords. there's no hope now.
and i got a copy of the letter that the lawyer sent him. saying, i sent this to you on two occasions. sign it or call me to discuss.
i had a bad dream about him last night, but i don't remember it now, because i didn't write it down.
it was a wash.
and now, more waiting.
eleven eleven is now in the past. and i just don't know what can happen next... i can't force anything. i won't.
and i'm tired of putting myself in places to try to make something possible.
i'm just sad.