an update of sorts. january 13th.

he did.

he did text me again.

i got this:

'i value your tenancy. i like having long term tenants and i'm not saying that i want you to move. i had to say something because it is disturbing. re: the heat. i turned it down for you today to 70.i although i also prefer it cooler, (upstairs) gets too cold. it's alright if you crack the windows in your unit. the thermostat is in the basement and won't be affected. landlord.'

to which i replied:

'yeah. i just don't appreciate being told not to go in and out of my apartment. it's your choice to live there, your choice to pay the heat, you setting the thermostat. those are your problems, not mine, and i pay my rent and follow the lease so you have no grounds to text me about your stress. i don't appreciate the way you text me. use earplugs if you're a light sleeper. that's what i do to drown out (upstairs) being up all hours of the night. in the future, don't rent to a smoker if it bothers you. i'm happy to move out if i'm bothering you. really.'

it made me feel better. his lack of response also made me feel better.

i'm glad i could tell him that his choices are not my problem.

i still can't get over him texting me last night and setting off the third attack.

i can't believe i fell asleep at 3. and woke up at 545.

i can't believe i'm awake. and coherent. in some ways, i feel the best i've felt all day.

i talked to kenna today at work, and she asked what was going on with me. i told her that i couldn't get into it because i thought i'd cry if i did, and just saying that made me start to cry, but i fought it off.

told her enough for her to know that i'm going to the mediation tomorrow and court on tuesday.

i'm crashing now on the backside of the wave i was riding yesterday.

i think it's silly of me to not eat at suck store. i forgot my leftover. and nothing sweet at work sounded like it would not come right back up.

so i ate when i got home at 4.

which was fine. there, i felt sick. once i got here, i was actually hungry.

and that's that.

i spent a while in bed, relaxing. after food.

then got up to watch some firefly episodes.

poured a drink. had a smoke.

just hanging out.

i'll have another smoke. and finish off my one drink. and go to sleep.

and it might just be a visit with lawyer tomorrow, because my money's sitting on the fact that he will not even bother to show. or he'll be late. something. it will not be seamless.

and if it is, color me crazy.

either way, the mortgage will hopefully be paid at the end of the meeting. i'll even let him use my iphone. and then make him log in to the homeowners as well. the chance that he has $2300 laying in his bank account is so fucking unfathomable that i can't even see a way around going to court on tuesday.

what will i do tomorrow night? i just don't even know.

i will make a couple calls from the lawyer's office before i sit in rush hour traffic with a panic-clouded head. then come back to my place. it would be best to go straight to the bar. and have an amazing bender to get the fuck over it. even if 'it' is nothing at all. because nothing at all will be court prep time.

it's funny, watching this show after buffy. joss loves fight scenes with stuntmen. he loves breaking necks to kill enemies. the characters are pretty well written off the bat. my mind was BLOWN yesterday when i learned that james marsters isn't a brit. and i just stare at simon on this show. he's like a doctor version of cole hamels who i'm totally hot for. sigh...

know what i wish? i wish i had a date tomorrow after all that shit. getting laid would probably take the sting out of it...

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