a loaner. february 4th.

today was rough.

payday, yes.

delaware day, yes.

normally good things.

but not when i'm out of everything i buy in delaware. and not when the check was spent before it hit my account.

for the second time in six months, i had to borrow money from my parents today. again.

it's so embarrassing.

i make a decent living. how is it that i am borrowing money again? it's fucked up.

and though this is completely ever's fault, and not mine, it doesn't really help the situation.

i borrowed enough to pay all my bills on schedule. and to have money left over, because i cannot survive two weeks without any fun, without any time out of my apartment. without a trip to the grocery store.

so i added everything up and took an extra chunk. and mommy and daddy fixed it.

i'll catch up in march.

i just hate this.

i cannot believe that ever did what i feared. that he has ignored me since i took my stand against him.

that this isn't over now. it's just crazy.

and instead of the money i just borrowed, i could have added $3k onto what i was willing to pay. and i would have been divorced on monday.

whatever. i will second guess every decision i ever make, when it doesn't end well.

such is life.

another friday night in. and alone.

i'll post the dating stuff now.

because recognition is on the path to acceptance, right?

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