strange days. february 6th.

it's court eve.

maybe that is why i feel so funky.

that, combined with a hangover. a little one, that mostly consists of a headache. but i just cracked a beer, so that should dissipate in a minute.

last night was fun. went to favorite bar's sister bar in north phila. it was cool. had dinner with lauren, which went on for hours, talking and eating, and drinking. there was a brewery there, so we tried a bunch of different beers that they make.

then we went dancing for a little while.

again, with the failure of the dj to remain on the decks, he let some other dude have a go at it. and the majority of the songs weren't really for dancing. there were a couple people playing air guitars.

and again, the feeling of being the oldest people in the room.

i think that, unless i have a clan of people with me, i'm officially giving up on that place.

to add insult to injury, it was intern's birthday yesterday. and he had posted something about drinking in south phila, possibly in my neighborhood. but he wasn't specific, and as desperate as i am (drunken birthday intern is probably about as easy a seduction as i would ever have), i didn't invite myself.

i took lauren home, and drove, against my better judgment. i really shouldn't have, but once i was already taking her home, i couldn't really see parking the car again. so i rolled with it.

i really cannot do that again.

like, ever.

i was paranoid, i knew i was driving fine, but seriously had been drinking beer and water (granted, i had a huge dinner) for several hours. like, five and a half. if not for dancing, i would have been perfectly fine.

in any case, the risk is never worth the payoff, but i did luck out with a parking spot on my first loop around the block.

so i was drunk when i got home. and i ate the rest of my dinner. and a couple mini candy bars, and passed out during the last two minutes of an episode of nip/tuck.

it's been a nip tuck weekend. i must have watched ten episodes since friday afternoon.


and today, all i had to do was pick up my laundry from kit's. she is out of town, so i took advantage of her letting me do laundry here instead of the laundromat.

hooray for an awesome friend.

yesterday, i was here for a while doing laundry. i watched pineapple express while i waited. which was fine. not the best, not the worst. i enjoy stoner movies on occasion.

so today, i woke up at 6 am, drunk. with a headache.

had some water. back to sleep. up at maybe 10. more water, coffee. still have a headache. i thought the coffee would fix it. and then i needed to go to the grocery store, so i couldn't have my hangover cure beer until now.

when i leave here, and get back to my apartment, i'll pop some motrin. no sense having this headache for a full 24 hour stretch.

and i guess it was the combination of the grocery store and coming here for a minute to collect my things that helped me realize that, if not for kit and my parents, i'd have been screwed this weekend.

and dad called to see if i'd heard from ever.

of course, i haven't.

that will end tomorrow when we're back in court.


i managed to get the bank statement that shows the mortgage payment clearing my account (and that it left $140 when it did). blacked out all my other transactions. because ever doesn't need to know that there were two bar tabs, and two delaware trips on there (beer gas cigs). half the transactions were beer related.

which just solidifies the fact that no matter how i justify my expenditures, and only having a couple beers the majority of the time, i am not like most people. and every time i have driven home knowing i shouldn't, i have sworn never to do it again.

and the worst thing is, it's not even about money. it's $15 fucking dollars.

i know from high school that the first thing alcohol affects is your judgment. and most of the time, i can call it like i see it, and i'm fine. but there have been times before when i have had two beers and refused to drive. and then a night like last night when i have had a lot, and don't refuse.


i got by and didn't get into trouble or have a real problem, like hitting a car or something. i just have to stop making bad decisions. i can't be as adamant with aubree about not drinking and driving if this is the example i set for her.

enough self loathing.

i hope i can sleep tonight. i hope court is over with by like 2, because i have a shrink appointment at 4. and i am super glad that is the case.

it will be a day without pay, again. and i have to be okay with that.

so far, everyone is telling me they're thinking about me, and supporting me, and to be strong tomorrow. i'm surprised by how much people pay attention to my situation, i guess. i mention it haphazardly, and it sticks in my friends' brains.

thanks for the support, guys. really.

tomorrow won't be hard. it will be stressful. more than anything, i want it over.

and i guess that the woman judge would have to be an idiot not to kick him out, not to force him to pay, and to let him continue living in the house in this situation. so i guess that is why i'm not worried about the hearing outcome.

i'm more nervous about airing this shit in front of a room full of people who are all there for their own family court issues.

and i'm most nervous about seeing him, and him saying, 'you know what? fuck you. i'm not signing shit. i'm not doing anything.'

ugh. i can't think about it. i'll watch some more nip/tuck and think about their retarded drama for a while instead.

and have another beer. because there's always one more beer that will make me feel better about everything that sucks in my life.

stupid superbowl. i'm glad i don't have tv. and that i could give a shit about football. it made parking easy, even if the grocery store was a crowded disaster.

i finally remembered popcorn. seriously? aside from chips and dips, favorite snack food ever.

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