smitten kitten. may 21st.

it's pretty funny that the world was supposed to end yesterday. well, not exactly. the rapture. at 6 pm est.

i was at a beer festival on a first date with greg.

let me say, from the start that i am trying to slow this down and lock it up.

but i told my parents when they called me today, that i met a boy.

my mind is running away from me right now. but it's fun. and the last 36 hours have been worth it, if my heart get broken into a million little pieces.

i had the best 24 hours with that boy, that i have had in eleven whole years, definitely. maybe ever.

and for boycrazy tea? that is saying a lot.

i was afraid. i am afraid. i've spent over a year building a wall. and i chiseled some holes in it, these past couple months. and despite not being attached to them, i still got hurt feelings and bummer moods out of those experiences.

and i know it's retardedly premature. i know this. i disabled my dating site profile today. because i am not looking for anything. not anything but more time with greg.

i was super nervous yesterday. and i think his shaky hands meant that he was, too. because he doesn't drink caffeine, and he was shaking until sometime after one this morning.

and i don't want to write the exploits, either. but know this: i am smitten. immediately. and i really think he is, too.

he showed up and i opened the door, saying, 'you're a real person!'

and he said hi and gave me a nice hug. he came inside while i grabbed a few things, and we were out the door to beer fest. aubree and mike met us over there, after we had an hour head start.

because of the emails back and forth, and kinda leaving the one i wrote late friday night/technically saturday morning, we kindof picked up where we left off, and there wasn't a second's pause where we weren't telling stories and talking about things we'd either only touched on, or agreed to talk about in person.

he is ADORABLE. if i could create a cookie cutter boy? he would be it. hazel eyes, slight, freckles absolutely everywhere. smiling eyes, a sweet smile. just barely taller than me, which is my favorite.

i just can't get over it.

i think he's going to be what makes me quit smoking.

and i will say from this day on, that timing with this one was everything. had i met him last week, or last month on his birthday, it would not have gone this way, because i wouldn't have been ready. i wouldn't have learned the lessons of the last few months. and they were key in realizing what i have found this week.

i don't know. i was afraid he/we would be bored, having most of the same points of reference in conversation and memories and life stories. music and movies and songs and defining life moments.

i was afraid that we'd talked about so much that we would struggle in person.

but we didn't. and weren't. we bounced off of each other wonderfully. and had so much fun, laughing, giggling, smiling, hugging.

my head is so foggy, i can't even remember where he kissed me first. i think in the kitchen, after a day of drinking. getting beers for alice and mike.

it was sweet. we hugged a good bit before that. he held my hand and rubbed my legs in the car. the chemistry was there, right away. which i wasn't expecting. because things with coffee, who i had chalked him up to, were a game, and my desires for him didn't ever include a throwdown.

we met up with alice, and ran around with my sister and mike for a while. and drank entirely too much beer. i did a great job of hydrating, though. and i'm glad for it, because otherwise, i would not have had the amazing night that we had.

it was about 1230, when alice was expressing a little interest in mike, and i was ready for a makeout session with greg.

he went in to go to the bathroom. i whispered 'nudge' in alice's ear. and went into my room with the light off.

when he came out of the bathroom, i called him by his last name.

he came into my room, and said he was glad that i was there. he said he couldn't watch another video and wanted to make out.

so i offered him pjs, and asked if he would like to stay over. and he declined the pj's, asking if it was okay to just wear his boxers. which were covered in bicycles, by the way. swoon.

and i said sure, and put on my super comfy sleep shorts.

and that was that.

we were there for a while, and having a good bit of fun that way, after putting on i heart huckabees, which i'd tried unsuccessfully to watch once with aubree. and one thing led to another. and i didn't see any of the movie. by this morning, it was a running joke. and i saw a good third of it. but there was another another, and i still haven't seen the end. sigh.

and it was just perfect. everything about it. smiling at him, smiling at me. being close. just being and enjoying.

it was exactly right. and i was glad he caught me off guard. because i wasn't expecting it from him. he complemented me at some point, about how i look, and i told him he is ideal. it was cute.

and at around 330, i knew he needed to sleep, but also knew from the way things had just gone, twice, that if i stayed and we cuddled and then made out, there would be another another. so instead i told him i was going to smoke, and put on my makeout mix of sleepy music for him. and kissed him goodnight, and told him i'd be back and to sleep.

and i chain smoked two cigarettes, and emailed nina what had just happened. and how i was completely flooded by it.

and because we'd been emailing each other up to that point, i sent him an email. i thought it would be cute. and when he checked his phone after some more anothers this morning, he said, 'you sent me an email!'

and i said, yes, last night, when i was smoking, i emailed him. he loved it.

when i got into bed after the chimneyfest, he put his arm around me and was the big spoon. and not one time, at all, were we apart. i can't remember the last time i had something that sweet. it is my favorite.

and when we woke up this morning, and finally got out of bed and dressed at around 10, we came out onto the deck.

we talk a lot about san francisco. it is both of our favorite city. and today felt like that, exactly. it was 60 and foggy and cold and damp and dreary. and i was also afraid of the way things change after you share what we had shared. so when we spent 45 minutes telling stories on the deck after four anothers, and kept it the same, i was glowing inside. and out.

and alice came back from brunch with her boy, and we had hangover beers on the stoop at 1030. and finally all felt fine. neither of us could do anything but drink water. and beer was the only cure. neither of us could eat, but i offered to make breakfast anyway.

and the four of us sat out, probably still pickled from our eight beer extravaganza last night, and told stories.

and alice's mom called and said hi to all of us and relayed an i love you to greg, who returned in kind.

and alice went around the side of the house to talk to her, i thought to talk away our loud asses, carrying on as people walked home from church, about the fake rapture.

i am, bloggers, enraptured.

and when she hung up and literaly skipped back over to us, she jumped to a stop at the bottom of the stoop, and said, 'i'm sorry. i told her about you (pointed to me) and you (pointed to greg) and she's happy.'

and we looked at each other, smiling, and giggled.

and they left for their day, and we went back to bed to watch more of the office. or not watch more of the office.

and after five anothers, in addition to the original, we talked some more. and played funny video clips for each other, giggling and hugging and touching. and then it was time for him to go, and for me to get ready for a birthday lunch celebration for pam's birthday, with aubree and kim.

it was just perfect.

i wouldn't change a thing.

and from the texts just sent, i am nearly certain he wouldn't either.

it's so incredible to be so happy.

the episode of the office he chose first was such a good one. the one where jim and pam are hiding their connection, the fun run.

and we were having an another, when something happened on the show. it was jim's talking head about knowing that he was in love if he was. he was defending himself.

and i am not saying that i am in love. that would be stupid. but it made me giggle, which made him giggle.

and i'll fucking TAKE IT.

he said, 'everything feels so good.'

and we cuddled up and did our best to make it through another episode, and failed miserably. we didn't even make it through the opening goddamned credits.

this is one smitten kitten, signing off.

my shrink is going to have a field day with me tomorrow.

and the one and a half hour nap i got overnight, mixed with a most unbelievable taxing of my body, is going to make me sleep like a rock tonight.

and tomorrow? the emailing will commence again, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that he comes through on the loose plans to take me to the phils game on tuesday. so i can stay over, and start the memorial day weekend off right, at the star party.

which is supposed to be a mega washout. i don't know where i will be or what i'll be doing this weekend, because i will not camp in pouring rain for four days, under a cloudy sky to not see what i'm going there for. i can't say that i won't give it a try. but it was the worst when kit and i tried to make it work before.

it was a wash. and here's to hoping the weather changes between now and then. because if it doesn't, i won't mind being on the grid. i think the hardest thing at the start of this is trying to slow it down to protect myself.

but he's not giving me any reason to want to. telling me that everything feels so right. so good. so awesome. so amazing.

we both overuse awesome and amazing, so from the outside it might sound like we have a very limited vocabulary. but i promise that we are both founts of words, when it comes to each other.

i told him before he left that he was absolutely worth the wait. and we agreed that the timing was perfect. he wants to do a lot with me, that i want to share with him, too. and today, when we couldn't seem to make it out of the bed, i said, 'how are we ever going to make it anywhere?'

and he said, 'motivation is the key. we'll go places.'

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