alright.
i'll take that DRINK now.
so. this is good... after i responded to that ridiculous email i got from ever, i got one back today.
and i called it that night at the bar with kit. i guess it was two days ago.
one thing i called was that he is blowing smoke up my ass. that i don't believe a word he says. and that as menacing as he's trying to be, i don't think he is actually doing anything. i think he's just trying to scare me and manipulate me.
because last night, i had an email from staples. thanking me for my order of a pack of standard lease agreements.
i was seriously tempted to go to the house today, and ask to sign the leases that he'd already signed last week from the neighborhood property management company without me.
because they don't fucking exist.
the second thing i called was him responding to the joke i made about the lesbians kicking my ass. i said to them, 'you watch. he's going to say he never said that, and that it's all in my head, and that i'm making it up.' because this would be the third time those words came from his mouth.
so i was thinking about all of that today. then got home tonight and checked my email.
and this sets me off more than anything so far, i think.
because it's personal.
he's now launching a different kind of attack. he's territorializing our friends.
i was going to condense the email he wrote me. but i just went ahead and copied it here, changing details for his anonymity's sake.
for your reading pleasure:
'I'm still waiting to meet up with (the realtor).
I don't know anyone who wants to beat you up lesbian,straight or otherwise.
As for the (event) I would really prefer you not go. That would be like me just showing up at (the regatta) to see my in laws instead of respecting your time with them and attempting to make separate arrangements to see them.
Whether it matters to you or not my friends are my family and I am looking forward to having a great time with them at the show and I wouldn't be able to do that knowing that you were there.
You needed your space from me and I let you go without a fight.
All I'm asking of you is for you to not purposely make plans to be somewhere that you know I'll be.
Ever'
to which i replied:
'oh, you had told me there were a bunch of lesbians who hated me and wanted to kick my ass a while back, when they were taking you out with them a lot. i guess you forgot you had told me that. it was a dumb joke anyway.
i didn't know you were going to the (event) for certain. you didn't go to any for a long time, so i didn't assume that you go to every one now. i didn't realize that i wasn't permitted to go to (events), so i'll make separate arrangements to see jay and matt as you request. or you can tell me if there's (an event) that you know you're not going to, so i can still see them.
or if you go (out of state), just let me know that, too. i can always go there to see them, i will assume you'll never be there.
as for you seeing my family, that wasn't separate from me. i was willing to be a big girl and not worry about how i felt or how it would make me feel, so that you could see the family that still loves you.
and i also tried to help you put it together with them, so that everyone could get what they wanted, even if i really didn't want to see you at all. at least if you'd shown up to the regatta, you could have seen them.
but you aren't interested in rowing anyway, so that wouldn't have made much sense for you to go. it's kinda different from going to (an event) at a bar. but i get what you're telling me, and i guess i should respect that.
let me know what (the realtor) says. and the broker.
and let me know if/when you need to close my email account, so i can get everything switched over.
and staples keeps sending order info and coupons to my email. you might want to change it so it emails them to you.'
yeah. suck it, ever.
i've been sitting on the dating site information for a while, without letting him know that i know. and it fucking KILLS me to try to hold a card.
but the staples leases? that was just too good to let go. i'm dying to make his face go hot. to make him squirm. to let him know that i know that he is full of shit. and all talk.
which i also called. just yesterday in my post, i believe...
what an asshole.
what an idiot.
i've already switched most things over from his email. and obviously i'm not telling him about my new email account.
if he shut it down now, i'd be bummed. but not devastated like i would have been a week ago.
i thought the big girl part was a nice touch. because he's being a big fucking baby.
let's just reflect back to pre-january days. when i was writing about him never leaving the fucking house. never going to any events with me. because he'd get too stoned to pick his fat ass up off the couch and go. much less, clean himself and change his clothes and go somewhere.
so for me to think that he is at every single event wouldn't be reasonable. but i guess that he's changing like i am.
and he can't hook up with girls who are into guys who do what it is that he does, though i wouldn't call it 'for a living', if i am there.
i've never been to that place before. but i'm guessing it's probably big enough that he could be in one place and i could be in another and he'd never even know that i was there.
but fuck him. i don't want to see him any more than he wants to see me. but to banish me from events because he wouldn't be able to have fun if i was there? really??
i'll just go when i visit nate. or drive out of town to see them.
you know, before when we had this discussion about going to events, all he said was that he didn't want to see me with a boy at an event. because that is what he cannot handle.
maybe i start showing up with a new boyfriend who has a dog at the dog park when i know he'll be there.
that's about the only place that i know he goes.
what a shithead.
i'm not even that mean.
i certainly wouldn't use someone just to upset him.
like the way he is using mutual friends to upset me.
leaving feels imminent. i haven't even made it a month in my own apartment before i want to move states away.
nina warns that if i do leave in a year, it might make this whole thing seem like a dream.
i wondered for a minute why exactly that would mean that it would be a bad thing. but she's right.
i do need to own this. i do need to go through it and feel it. and i cannot pretend like it never happened.
just like i can't run away from my problems. figuratively or literally.
i'll just defect to canada next spring when palin announces she's running for president. who's in? anyone with me?
man.
seriously? cigarette.
and after that? a stiff one. drink, i mean...
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