a sure thing. august 5th.

i'm not a betting woman.

but if i was, there are a few things i'd bet on.


first, i'd bet that ever is going to try to fuck me in the divorce, since he'll never fuck me in real life again.

i got this random text message today. after a month and a half without any interaction from ever. which was nice while it lasted. i should have known that it would be good when it finally happened.

it was this three page text. and it started by asking if i was going to the cd release show for this band i know.

and that he hoped i wouldn't because he doesn't think he wants to see me until the divorce is final. and that i shouldn't go to his place of work (which is now defined as any bar or club or house where he is, any night of the week when he might be there). and that his lawyer recommended getting a restraining order against me.

really?

that's funny. because i am nearly certain that i have successfully avoided any place where he might be for the last six months, unless i was going to the house to get something or picking up the pup. but not in the last two months.

if i had gone to the shows i wanted to go to, i could understand.

but i respected his asshole wishes, and steered clear.

and now this little nugget.

so i did what i'm best at.

i said, 'i don't want to be anywhere that you are. no order necessary.'

and he said, 'thanks!'

with an exclamation mark.

after a long pause.

what a fucking dumbass.

i hate him.


so that was that.


also, i'd be willing to bet that it will be measured in weeks: the amount of time before chalk comes back.

every day is one day closer to more sex. tonight after a couple beers at the bar, i texted him that i wondered if he was here for more than two and a half days, if he would be able to keep up. because life without sex everyday is fucking bullshit.

last night he asked if he could come back and be my boy toy for two weeks. i told him he can't stay two weeks.

kit laughed today when i said that i thought having him here last weekend would release my tension and help my problem. instead, now i want sex even more than before, and more often. and handling things myself just doesn't fix it either.

so there's that.


and, i'd go out on a limb to say that i'll date someone before valentine's day. because tonight, i was entirely aware that i want a boyfriend. maybe not a boyfriend. but someone to date. someone to sleep with repeatedly.

it's not anyone i know. or have recently met. or anything like that.

but being out tonight and seeing the cute bartender i like, who works at a different bar, was hard. i am nearly certain he has a dumb blonde girlfriend from jersey. but he looked so cute. i wanted to buy him a drink secretly, but kit wouldn't let me.

so i just kept making eyes at him when he wasn't looking. and i know he saw me in the background, but didn't see my eyes. and when i say 'like', i just mean 'think is hot', because i haven't said more than a handful of words to him ever.

and when we went outside, i did that thing where i was facing kit's friend who was standing right in front of him. being funny and laughing loudly in his general direction.

man. he is hot. and he doesn't even care to notice that i think so.


aside from all that estrogen-laden shit, there's another thing...


the story i keep forgetting to tell about my friend deb.

i have this friend deb. she's in her early sixties, i guess. an o.r. nurse at the store i used to work at. she is one of the most wonderful people i've ever met. if i'd seen her outside of work, i'd call her one of my closest friends.

we talk art. she's just the sweetest and most giving person on the planet.

and a couple days ago, i got a text from cat saying that she'd been beaten by cops and arrested.

i had to ask three times if we were talking about the same deb.

then today, i ran into her. and cried a little with her.

there was a motorcycle accident. she passed it. and stopped to help before anyone else had gotten there.

being accustomed to things you see in the operating room, and being a nurse, she helped. i guess she was stabilizing the guy when the first lady cop showed up.

and according to the story in the paper, that was also on the news, the cop's story went something like this:

she approached deb and told her repeatedly to step away from the victim, who deb was shaking and moving. and when she wouldn't stop shaking him and moving him, the cop had to push her to the ground to get her off of him. and when that happened, she resisted arrest. and when she was being handcuffed, deb pinched her hand with the handcuffs. and also said that deb never stated that she was a nurse.

so she was charged with resisting arrest and assaulting an officer. and spent a day in jail i guess.

obviously, this isn't what happened. and the fact that now deb has all this legal bullshit to deal with is just unbelievable. she had her husband take pictures of her, because the woman roughed her up and smashed her face into the ground when she was arresting her.

then she cried about her brother in law dying. she'd been fighting this fight for him for a few months now. some ordeal with insurance trying to not pay his bills while he was dying in the hospital. they wouldn't pay for treatment and care. and she was essentially being his advocate. and got him into mayo clinic. in florida, i think. that might be wrong.

but she was about to go for a visit, and one day in the last couple weeks, he was in the hospital. and someone was cleaning earwax from his ear and introduced some crazy fungus. and it killed him. they tried doing this drastic surgery (i forget the name she used, radical something) where they cut all this skin off, and his ear probably, in an effort to stop the spread.

too late. spread into his brain.

she didn't get to say goodbye.

and said that all of this shit is making it difficult to keep her positive outlook on things. she had just gotten back from japan, seeing her son and his fiancee over there, and was about to go back. but now because of the hearings and everything, she can't leave the country.

all of it sucks. all of it is unfair. and i'm the first person to complain that something is unfair, and it's not a word she even used. she said something about not knowing why all of these things are happening to her right now. and that she just wishes for it all to be resolved so she can go back and see her son again. and retire like she had planned in the next two weeks. and move to her piece of land out in colorado where life is simple and mellow.

it makes me want to do something to help her. if you knew her, you'd know that she wasn't jostling a motorcycle accident victim. that she wasn't hitting a cop, and that she didn't deserve to be treated that way.

she overheard a lawyer telling her lawyer, 'she's an elderly nurse!' and thought that was totally uncool. but her daughter said, 'mom, you are!'

and deb said she's going to stop dying her hair red so it's all white. so the thirty something lady cop who's a foot taller than her looks ultra dumb telling the judge that this woman was the one who was doing all the things she said.

asshole.


i don't know. what a random assortment of a day.

there was, of course, drama and fallout from the manager to manager discussion of yesterday.

yet, when i saw her, she said not one word to me.


i don't care if she thinks that i don't work hard. because i bust my ass. and what she didn't know is that i woke up at six today. and started doing work at 730. she thinks i slept until noon and showed up to work at one.

i'm at a breaking point with her. and in a way, i'm glad. because when i get this mad, i don't tend to go back on my words and unthink thoughts.

i embrace the anger and act on it.


yeah. so. weird day.

and running around for the broken iphone sucked, too.

went all the way out to the burbs for the apple store.

got the part. he couldn't get the sim card to work to activate it.

back to at&t store with said phone and sim card, and replacement tray.

at&t guy gets the tray stuck.

again.

back to square one.

i am not meant to have an iphone. it's just not in the cards for me.


and? because i haven't mentioned it? i want to have sex. neeeowwww.