great nate. august 14th.

today is my high school boyfriend's birthday.

strange that i will probably always remember today's date that way.

last night out was pretty fun.

we got kit to come out with us to the irish pub. we sat and ate. nate and kit thought the server was hot, and were trying to convince me that he thought 1. i was cute, and 2. that he was jealous of the sandwich i was devouring.

i didn't believe them, and i also didn't tell him, like they told me to, that he had a nice ass.

i'm not there yet. i'm learning. but i'm not there.

today was a wash. through and through, save for a good two hours of dancing and a friends birthday party.

keeping nate entertained is a full time job. and i realize when he's here just how simple a person i am. i'm content to lay in bed. i'm content to sit at kit's and watch tv. or stay home and watch a movie. or waste countless hours online.

not nate.

and he isn't afraid to tell you when you're boring him.

it was more pressure than i could afford.

so i clam jammed myself tonight at the club.

for a reason, and in a few ways.

there was this guy. he was hot.

and nate said he liked me.

but i was too afraid to talk to him. and when my beer gave me courage, my stomach decided it would rather i spend a solid eight trips to the bathroom instead.

it was awful. i wanted to leave but didn't for nate's sake. which was good, too, because kit did show up sometime around 1.

then i decided i'd do something anyway, despite him thinking i had a big problem with going to the bathroom every ten minutes and burping hamburger which made me fear close proximity for all talking intents and purposes.

and there was a girl when i came back. for a while.

which made me want to try harder in a way, and caught me off guard. it is still on my mind, because i am not really into the game, but somehow was feeling like i was last night.

and then he was gone. well, they were gone. a group of people that he was in.

i'll learn. i'll stop being afraid someday. and make a move and get the payoff/reward.

it's been a weird weekend, but fine. i slept enough to feel good, got out enough to feel like i combined two or more weekends into one. i went to a few new places, and got some dancing out of my system.

going there again last night reminded me that, any time i feel like dancing, saturday nights there will satisfy my needs every time. the heat is nearly intolerable, sweaty people bumping into me is unavoidable and grosses me out every time. dumb bitches will always put a damper on things. and people skipping ahead of me in line for the bathroom will always make me want to act out in violence. especially the pretty dumb girls.

but before the club gets packed, dancing in place near the bar to not be in the middle of the empty dance floor will be my favorite dancing. there becomes a point from about midnight until one where there are just too many people to be able to enjoy yourself. from one to two it starts to thin out enough to breathe, and that is good, too.

so it was a crazy weekend.

and it's quiet now.

i need some alone time.

and some unwind time.

and i am not at all ready for more work this week.

in the next chapter of management 101, we're now settling for the third choice for the star store. and have no backups for the other two.

like i said.


so now this week, i take the reigns and interview as many people as possible in a day.
see what i get. and go from there.

sometimes when you realize you have all the wrong people doing all the wrong things, you just have to take matters into your own hands and start over.

the bright side is that girl number 3 has lots of management experience.

and this puts her in the store i want her to manage. if she takes it. if she's good.

if it works.

someone, please light a candle for me for this week. this job is trying to kill me by wearing me down... and today is sunday. sigh.

No comments:

Post a Comment